steve easterbrook mcdonald's ceo

Why Can’t The McDonald’s CEO Get a Happy Meal?

The CEO of McDonald’s, Steve Easterbrook, was fired on a Sunday because he was banging a McDonald’s employee and apparently that is against company policy or whatever.

The company board elected to remove Easterbrook claiming that he ‘demonstrated poor judgment’.

Here’s what Easterbrook said in a sad email to McDonald’s employees—the employees he wasn’t humping:

“As for my departure, I engaged in a recent consensual relationship with an employee, which violated McDonald’s policy,” Easterbrook wrote. “This was a mistake. Given the values of the company, I agree with the board that it is time for me to move on. Beyond this, I hope you can respect my desire to maintain my privacy.”

Every headline I see mentions that this relationship was ‘consensual’, which is a weird detail to hammer home, like, I would’ve assumed that. If anything, the constant reminder that it was consensual makes me question whether it actually was or not.

But what’s the point of becoming the CEO of McDonald’s if you can’t eat a happy meal every once in a while.

I get if you’re the manager of the local McDonald’s on Main Street, you can’t be sleeping with the cashier and then give her all the best shifts. That’s a potentially toxic work environment especially if the relationship doesn’t work out.

But again, my man Easterbrook worked his way up the corporate leader at fucking McDonald’s of all places and can’t sleep with the people he’s in charge of?

Where is this guy supposed to meet women? Corporate mixers? Should he have waited for the next Fast Food ball and returned the lost slipper to the heiress of In-and-Out Burger?

Now, it doesn’t say this detail in any story but for the sake of this Deadseriousness article I’m going to pretend like he wasn’t banging his secretary and instead assume he went to a McDonald’s on a road trip and met a cute drive-thru cashier that he wanted to Pretty Woman.

If that’s the case, then I see no reason to punish the CEO for having consensual intercourse with a consenting adult who for sure gave consent, officer.

Oh, also shout to Easterbrook who made around $15 million last year and decided to piss that all away for *checks notes* wait that can’t be right…*squints* love?

Jeff Bezos really started a trend of lame 1 percenters lighting money on fire to make out with the first girl to text them back within an hour.

And this situation is even worse because Steve Easterbrook gave up from McChickens. Couldn’t be me.

Thoughts and prayers to the former McDonald’s CEO. He is now stuck with the woman who cost him his job which will be cool for like, a month before he remembers he threw everything away for a girl that he only liked because he knew it was against the rules to be with.

And again, no more free McChickens. What did it cost you? Everything.


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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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