It’s almost September and Jonathan Kuminga is still a free agent. They’re playing with son. Kuminga’s trapped in a vortex, his career trajectory not in his hands. Dennis Schroder lives in this vortex, never knowing where he’ll work less, always less money offered each time he arrives. Steve Kerr didn’t want Kuminga on the roster—refusing […]
With the return of first baseman slugger Bryce Eldridge, the San Francisco Giants are designating infielder Buddy Kennedy for assignment. The 27-year-old cut from his 8th Major League club. (Technically 7 clubs. Kennedy started 2026 with the Giants on a minor league deal, called up June 1st, went 0-for-7 with a walk in 7 games, […]
Each NBA offseason, I pray several players lock themselves in the lab to perfect their craft, arriving to the new year bearing gifts, new handles, bags of tricks, like when James Harden went to Houston with an unstoppable step-back three he created hungover in the gym. Here are 10 NBA players I hope lock themselves […]
Chicago White Sox center fielder, 2026 All-Star, and former member of the Savanah Bananas, stepped out the machine, Stefon—on a 5-game home run streak and the Chicago White Sox kept their boots on the AL Central. Tristan Peters in his first full MLB season: – All-Star – Hit for the cycle – HR in 5 […]
The NBA regular season and playoffs? That’s their time. The offseason? That’s our time, with Ben Simmons, down here. Workout videos, open gym highlights, looking like 07 LeBron with it. The news reports describing him as the healthiest boy of all time—scientists testing his blood, what mutant gene allows him to dominate the courts. After […]
As voters grow desperate for fighters, Hakeem Jeffries had a sneaky, secret Meeting with Jared Kushner, Trump’s unofficial Ambassador of Corruption. Representative Hakeem Jeffries, Democrat of New York and the minority leader, met privately in recent weeks with Jared Kushner, President Trump’s son-in-law and top outside adviser, and discussed potential areas of common ground, according […]
The Houston Astros and GM Dana Brown are “parting ways”, despite the team being in first place of the AL West, most likely heading to the playoffs. Here’s what Dana Brown said about being let go in the final year of his contract: “I came up the old-school way, and the old-school way is get […]
The Detroit Tigers have designated OF James Outman for assignment, demoting him to Triple-A Toledo, where he belongs. Outman’s second DFA of the season—first, EJECTO SEATO CUZ’d by the Minnesota Twins, claimed by Detroit. Outman hit .183 in 100 plate appearances. 5 homers, 2 stolen bases, played every position in the field, +2 DRS and […]
After a contract buyout from the Dallas Mavericks 4 time NBA champion Klay Thompson is fleeing Texas, home of his famous ex, to sign a 2-year, $11.5m deal with the Miami Heat. Klay’s 2025 on top of the world, on top of the stallion, never not smiling, hand-in-hand with a high-five machine. Ending tragically, publicly, […]
X-Men ’97 is Marvel’s greatest achievement. Season 1, an adventure equally heartwarming and heartbreaking. Now that my fingers are working, the typing is typing, words are writing, I will be adding TV reviews to the repertoire. The sports blog that keeps giving. They’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. [RELATED: Lester’s Reviews: Lanterns Episode 2—Who […]
Billionaire Jed York handcuffed this weekend trying to get his weewee infected by a Heartland hoe. [RELATED: Totally Innocent Man Sells NBA Team To State] Jed York, the owner of the San Francisco 49ers, is leaving jail today following his arrest. Caught hiring prostitutes in East Palestine, Ohio, forced to spend the night in a […]
Alright, the boys are baaaack baybeeee. Week 2 with Hal Jordan training John Stewart to become the next Green Lantern. Sort of. The day begins with Hal challenging John to use his ring and fly. John does not fly. Instead, John Stewart spends the day nursing a mental lantern Ring construct of a bird, as […]
A decision was made: Cleveland Browns head coach Todd Monken announced Monday afternoon, Deshaun Watson will start Week 1—telling the world they are not interested in winning football games this season and will try again next time. Coming off a putrid preseason underperformance, 5-for-12 with 36 yards and an INT to a DT—handing out Xbox […]
Following a disappointing preseason performance, the returning Deshaun Watson shared how hurt he was to hear the local Cleveland Browns fans boo him. Here’s what Watson told ESPN reporters post-game: “I think the whole world knows it has nothing to do about the performance,” Watson said. “It’s a little bit [more] personal than that. So […]
A week after declaring for the 2027 WNBA Draft in a public protest against our universal desire for him to shut the fuck up, Enes Kanter, on his quest to protect women, stopped in Chicago Sunday night—ejected from the Sky/Fever game after trying to fight Natasha Cloud on the baseline. Enes Kanter, looking at the […]
Seattle saving their best pitcher for the final lap, is calling up top prospect Kade Anderson from Double-A. The Athletic recently ranked Kade Anderson as the No. 1 prospect in baseball. Kade is the best pitcher in the minors. In 18 starts, Anderson owns a 1.06 ERA with a 41% strikeout rate. He has the […]
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