Aryna Sabalenka is the back-to-back defending US Open Champion. The Belarusian star touches down on Flushing, Queens grass and gains superpowers. But on Friday afternoon, that grass was too mighty. “Someone is smoking weed. Do you mind? Because it’s so strong.” – Aryna Sabalenka to the umpire during the US Open Sabalenka (No. 1) won […]
If young, 90s Bill Simmons spent less time listening to Pearl Jam, he’d know the cardinal sin of crack sales: never get high on your own supply. The number one sports podcaster, pulled to the mountaintop of sports media by the labor of Tom Brady, Kevin Garnett and David Ortiz (I promise you we wouldn’t […]
Although ESPN reported the NBA found no evidence of cap circumvention, about a month later, SpongeBob, the whole operation under water. That report was false—the NBA did determine the LA Clippers broke the rules and here’s a quick list of all the penalties the Los Angeles Clippers face for violating the league’s salary cap rules: […]
Whenever a billionaire suffers consequences, I’m stunned, head ringing, for at least 24 hours. Steve Ballmer had Mark Cuban yapping with Chat GPT all day, copy pasting his results on Twitter, defending the Clippers owner—”if he did that, he’s the dumbest human being on the planet“, and look at that, Steve Ballmer: The Dumbest Human […]
35-year-old Aaron Donald returns to the NFL to sign a 1-year, $20m contract with the Los Angeles Rams, running it back for one last job with the 2026 Super Bowl favorites. Donald retired following a successful 2023 campaign, 8 sacks, 16 tackles for loss and 23 QB hits to help the Rams sneak into the […]
Over the weekend, New York took 3 of 4 against the Boston Red Sox to win the season series and the tiebreaker for home-field advantage in the wild card, if it came down to that. The final game of the series wasn’t particularly competitive—Yankees bombed the Red Sox, 16-1. In the bottom of the 8th […]
As mentioned in previous Lanterns episode reviews, my John Stewart knowledge begins and ends with the Justice League cartoon. I’ve been on board for the character of John Stewart from go—I never even once considered how he became Green Lantern. It’s always seemed obvious. I think this show agrees. The episode begins with John Stewart […]
It’s almost September and Jonathan Kuminga is still a free agent. They’re playing with son. Kuminga’s trapped in a vortex, his career trajectory not in his hands. Dennis Schroder lives in this vortex, never knowing where he’ll work less, always less money offered each time he arrives. Steve Kerr didn’t want Kuminga on the roster—refusing […]
With the return of first baseman slugger Bryce Eldridge, the San Francisco Giants are designating infielder Buddy Kennedy for assignment. The 27-year-old cut from his 8th Major League club. (Technically 7 clubs. Kennedy started 2026 with the Giants on a minor league deal, called up June 1st, went 0-for-7 with a walk in 7 games, […]
Each NBA offseason, I pray several players lock themselves in the lab to perfect their craft, arriving to the new year bearing gifts, new handles, bags of tricks, like when James Harden went to Houston with an unstoppable step-back three he created hungover in the gym. Here are 10 NBA players I hope lock themselves […]
Chicago White Sox center fielder, 2026 All-Star, and former member of the Savanah Bananas, stepped out the machine, Stefon—on a 5-game home run streak and the Chicago White Sox kept their boots on the AL Central. Tristan Peters in his first full MLB season: – All-Star – Hit for the cycle – HR in 5 […]
The NBA regular season and playoffs? That’s their time. The offseason? That’s our time, with Ben Simmons, down here. Workout videos, open gym highlights, looking like 07 LeBron with it. The news reports describing him as the healthiest boy of all time—scientists testing his blood, what mutant gene allows him to dominate the courts. After […]
As voters grow desperate for fighters, Hakeem Jeffries had a sneaky, secret Meeting with Jared Kushner, Trump’s unofficial Ambassador of Corruption. Representative Hakeem Jeffries, Democrat of New York and the minority leader, met privately in recent weeks with Jared Kushner, President Trump’s son-in-law and top outside adviser, and discussed potential areas of common ground, according […]
The Houston Astros and GM Dana Brown are “parting ways”, despite the team being in first place of the AL West, most likely heading to the playoffs. Here’s what Dana Brown said about being let go in the final year of his contract: “I came up the old-school way, and the old-school way is get […]
The Detroit Tigers have designated OF James Outman for assignment, demoting him to Triple-A Toledo, where he belongs. Outman’s second DFA of the season—first, EJECTO SEATO CUZ’d by the Minnesota Twins, claimed by Detroit. Outman hit .183 in 100 plate appearances. 5 homers, 2 stolen bases, played every position in the field, +2 DRS and […]
After a contract buyout from the Dallas Mavericks 4 time NBA champion Klay Thompson is fleeing Texas, home of his famous ex, to sign a 2-year, $11.5m deal with the Miami Heat. Klay’s 2025 on top of the world, on top of the stallion, never not smiling, hand-in-hand with a high-five machine. Ending tragically, publicly, […]
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