Angel Hernandez Has The Best Job in the World

Umpires and referees should be faceless, nameless entities who exist for the sole purpose of maintaining the rules and fairness in sports. It’s not great that we all know the name of Major League Baseball umpire, Angel Hernandez.

On Friday night, Texas Rangers rookie, Wyatt Langford, stepped up to the plate in the 4th inning with his team up 8-1 and a chance to really embarrass the Astros with a big bases-loaded hit.

It didn’t go the way Wyatt would’ve hoped…

** NEW UMPIRE AUDITOR RECORD **

Umpire Angel Hernandez rang up Wyatt Langford on three consecutive pitches out of the zone.

The strikeout pitch missed outside by 6.78 inches.

This was the largest miss on a called strikeout in Umpire Auditor history. pic.twitter.com/BWmizkDsmD

— Umpire Auditor (@UmpireAuditor) April 13, 2024

JP France had lost control of the strike zone early in the game. The Rangers batted around in the 3rd and were about to do it again in the 4th but Angel Hernandez felt bad for the kid and decided to give him some strikes even though his pitches almost landed in his team’s dugout.

As much as we all believe Angel Hernandez has the keen eye of a young Hellen Keller, shouldn’t batters be adjusting their approaches knowing Angel cannot wait to call a strike so the game can end faster and he can run to the local Chilis for Twofers before all the bar seats fill up?

Great, now I’m victim-blaming. These batters are dressed too slutty, they deserve this.

Angel gets paid half a million a year to travel across the country and watch baseball games from the best seat in the house. All the umpiring shit isn’t as important to him. It doesn’t matter if he calls a ball a strike or a strike a ball, MLB has no choice but to keep running him out there until he chooses to retire.

Hernandez sued MLB for discrimination.

He believed MLB chief officer and former Yankees manager, Joe Torre, had a personal problem with him that resulted in Angel never being promoted to crew chief and not being allowed to work a World Series since 2005. He alleged a personal beef as well as racial discrimination.

The lawsuit was thrown in the trash. Duh.

Angel doesn’t call the World Series games because he has no idea where the strike zone is. But by filing that discrimination lawsuit, Angel has guaranteed his job as long as he wants. If MLB fires him, Angel can simply file another lawsuit and say he was fired because MLB is retaliating against him for that initial lawsuit and now we’ve got ourselves a wrongful termination suit.

Angel Hernandez is a first-ballot Scammer’s Hall of Fame inductee.

We should all seek this level of job security where we get to do whatever we want and the only consequence is not being allowed to do extra work at the end of the year.

It might suck for Angel to be hated by all of his peers but I’ve had jobs where I got away with showing up late and/or leaving whenever I wanted because I was cool with the bosses. My coworkers might’ve hated me but I didn’t even learn all of their names and those direct deposits always hit regardless of whether or not I was in their little group chats.

Again, Hernandez makes almost half a million a year and spends most at-bats wondering if he left the stove on.

Angel Hernandez has the best job in the world.

Does Angel Hernandez have the best job in the world?  Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know if you think Angel should get to work the World Series for the sake of chaos.