- Right away, this dating show has more production value than anything MTV has ever attempted to put together with sleek camera cuts and clever editing and dope shots of New York City.
- Problem is, I don’t even remember the first episode I watched because it was a generic straight white guy who I think was in real estate or some shit and didn’t seem to have a personality.
- All I remember was that girl, Tiffany, who was from New Jersey and smacked her lips while eating with her mouth open because she’s from New Jersey. This is what happens when the man sits back on a date and demands the women to entertain him. The woman has to fill time with lip smacking.
- And that blank canvas routine led to him awarding that blonde girl, Victoria, a second date because she turned on the ditziness and went full ‘Never Been Kissed’. Always a foolproof strategy to act as if you’ve never sat across from a boy before. So cute. So cute.
- Shout out to that divorced Colombian woman for being way out of everyone’s league. Is she president yet?
- And here’s a very important PSA for everyone: asking ‘how are you still single?’ isn’t a fucking compliment. Regardless of what your intentions are, it almost always comes off as a condescending way of saying ‘so seriously, explain to me your personality flaws like, what the fuck is actually wrong with you’.
- Gurki was a real rollercoaster because she started on this super lame ‘I’m so much older than you’ routine that she really beat into the ground but Dating Around pulled some real sorcery to turn her into the hero in the end.
- Remember like, towards the end of Breaking Bad when Walter White was a completely irredeemable character so they just made his new adversaries fucking NAZIS so we had no choice but to pick the ‘family man’ over the, ya know, NAZIS.
- Enter Justin. The man who gave his
exgirlfriendan ultimatum of either picking him or her pet cat and then after she chose him, he still dumped her. Mind you, Justin didn’t like the cat solely because sometimes when he slept over, the cat would sneak into their room and cat(v.).
10. Lex was cool but seemed like the type of guy who read The Game, that book on how to be a pick-up artist with his constant negging and sexual innendos.
11. But in his defense, he was fucking good at it.
12. Also, get that homeless magician with the handlebar mustache out of my life forever. This is a first date, my dude. Maybe leave your sequin rape jacket back in your shopping cart under your bags of cans and bottles you’re going to recycle in the AM.
13. “I see Versace jeans across my wet dreams?” OH, word? Those are the song lyrics that you’re going to hit Lex with? Call yourself an Uber.
14. And even worse was that guy’s story about the time a man hired him to walk his dog and then he got paid in sex but then he never actually walked the dog? I don’t know but just a bit of advice: Don’t tell the story about the time you were a prostitute.
15. Lex not choosing the former NFL player who casually mentioned inventing MovieFone was the biggest surprise of the season but I suppose that stakes of this show are astronomically low and none of this matters.
16. Leonard looked like if Patrick Stewart grew up in Kew Gardens.
17. Older people deserve way more screen time on these dating shows. They are so much more charming and courageously open about their lives. It’s refreshing as hell to see these people blurt out random facts about their life without being asked a lame first date/freshman icebreaker question like ‘tell me about your favorite memory’.
18. Also, real quick, I loved the cutting from date to date which made me giggle the whole time thinking about the bartender who watched the one person take 5 dates in a row to the same spot all week. How did no waitress ever announce ‘Oh Leonard, you’re back again? And a new lady. Niiiiice. GET IT. BRO’.
19. But the cutting between dates really stood out with Leonard as he found a way to tell that frog joke to three different women and all three women seemed confused as hell as to what they just heard. Even I do not understand the frog joke.
20. Gotta love the cutting between him telling multiple women about the good
21. Hot Take: Sarah can fuck off.
22. Sarah tried to have her cake and eat it too. She went for the ‘free spirit whatever happens happens’ vibe while simultaneously taking herself so incredibly serious when again, the stakes couldn’t have been lower.
23. “Shut the front door” “What the Franklin Delano?” Ooooookay, Nooey Deschanel. Leave that adorkable shit at home. Adults are trying to date out here.
24. By the way, you don’t need to make an announcement when you leave a building. You can put the whole ‘let’s kick rocks’ thing back in the vault. You’re not even using the expression correctly.
25. Sarah vs. The strip club guy felt like a biblical plague. Two very unlikable humans at the height of their powers. Unfortunately, strip club guy took the L after the waves of sexual
26. (I clearly didn’t learn names) but I have to give a round of applause to the guy who Sarah could not stop calling cute for getting up and just leaving her because they weren’t on the same page. I support that move entirely.
27. The real moment that I knew I was completely out on Sarah is when that guy simply made a joke about not tipping and she flipped out on him and borderline made a scene over such a small throwaway line. Do you REALLY think he’s not going to tip because you got a
28. Which then immediately led to Sarah giving him a speech on how you should never tell a woman to ‘relax’ which was
29. Don’t eat onions like that, Sarah. Act like you’ve eaten before.
30. I didn’t like Sarah.
31. Here is my problem with Mila: there were no problems. All of her dates seemed up beat and had pretty dope vibes. She just seems like the most pleasant person to be around.
32. But Mila dumping Jarry in the Uber home made me look back and appreciate home much I enjoyed the ends of the dates when someone would ask ‘can I see you again?’ and the other person had to be like ‘ummmmm, yikes. No thank you’ as I cringed out of my skin.
33. And THAT reminds me, dear everyone on a date, do not ask ‘so uh, how do your dates usually end’ thus basically asking ‘so do you fuck after the first date?’. I didn’t know that people asked that Dating Around really shed light on an epidemic. Do not ever ask ‘how do your dates usually end?’. Thank u, next.
34. I fuck with Dating Around. Catch me in season 2 being charming as hell and hitting on the waittress.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you want a second season of Dating Around asap. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights around here at HQ.