Jay Cutler Cannot Stop Being Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari are ending their 7-year marriage as Kristin has filed for divorce. Her reason for the divorce is that Jay is too lazy and just hangs around the house and doesn’t want to do anything.

That should be fishy for anyone reading it.

First of all, we’re in the midst of a pandemic and nationwide shutdowns. Where does Kristin believe Jay Cutler ought to be? The world is on lockdown. Of course Jay is doing absolutely nothing at home. He’s retired.

Plus, this is who Jay Cutler is.

As a New York Giants fan, I loved the way Eli Manning would make a mistake and then jog back onto the field completely unphased. The Fox Sports camera crew would always zoom in on his odd disappointed faces and that was the best part but overall he was pretty nonchalant.

But what I loved about Jay Cutler is that it didn’t matter if it was failure or success, Jay was nonchalant. You cannot Google image search Cutler without finding a row of pictures with cigarettes photoshopped into his mouth.

Who the fuck did Kristin Cavallari believe she was marrying? Lara been Croft. Joe Camel proposed to her and now she’s ended things because he’s Joe Camel.


Jay Cutler NEVER gave a shit. Congrats to Kristin finally meeting him seven years into their marriage.

Here is what a friend of Kristin said about the divorce:

“She was growing increasingly impatient with him. He was supposed to take this big job at Fox Sports and have a life after football that would get him up off the couch and do something,” said an insider. “Instead, he backed out — this is [three] years ago — and joined the [Miami] Dolphins. That didn’t pan out well, and he was left with no TV gig until she got the show for them.”

And this is where you have to take her side. If you’ve ever lived with your partner then you can completely understand why she wants out. There is nothing worse than just always being around your significant other. Doesn’t matter how much you love them and blah blah. If they are ALWAYS just sitting on the couch then you too, would start calling up divorce lawyers.

Especially after she believed he was about to have a new long broadcasting career with Fox. Not that this Jay Cutler Kristin Cavallari marriage was getting by paycheck to paycheck. In his 12-year career, Jay made around $122 million. The man should never need to work ever again.

But he doesn’t appear to have any hobbies outside of Netflixing. At one point on the Dolphins, Jay said this in regards to his physical conditioning:

“the good thing is I play quarterback, so I don’t have to be in that great of cardiovascular shape.”

Awesome. She married one of the few professional athletes that won’t even leave for an hour to go to the gym. At least get a Peloton bike, my g.

Let’s not pretend like we don’t understand Kristin’s frustrations. Marrying a lazy asshole is easy when he’s on the road and living in a different state for six months of the year. But once he’s just always there every time you walk down the stairs then we’re dealing with a real problem.

Plus, Kristin is 33 years old. I don’t think she assumed her life would consist of just hanging out in her house 24/7 forever with a man who hasn’t made eye contact with her since 2015.

Again, in Jay Cutler’s defense, this is who he’s always been. And after 12 years in the NFL making NINE FIGURES, it doesn’t take a massive mental leap to understand why he’d want to simply relax instead of becoming a broadcaster and pretending to like football.

Honestly, I blame their E! reality show, Very Cavallari about her dumb ass business and her dumb ass employees. No relationship has ever improved by bringing in E! camera crews to record their every interaction.

Looks like that’s a wrap for the Jay Cutler Kristin Cavallari opposites attract marriage. Turns out, no one wants to be with a cold jerk who has zero motivation to do anything with their life and a fame-chaser with no real skills or actual abilities whose existence has always been centered around how many Likes her vacation pics get.

Long Live Jay Cutler: Marlboro Man.

jay cutler kristin cavallari





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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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