Let's Talk About The 2024 NBA All-Star Saturday

2024 NBA All-Star Saturday was lit and by lit I mean the court was literally lit up with LED lights which worked to trick my lizard brain into paying attention to the big shiny lights instead of the trillions of more fun activities I could’ve been doing.

But I watched the whole event and I have some thoughts.

Let’s talk about 2024 NBA All-Star Saturday:

Skills Challenge

You know the biggest problem with the NBA Skills Challenge? Yup, you got it. There just weren’t enough rounds.

This year, there are 3 teams of 3 playing 3 rounds of competitions—one of which is throwing a ball in a hole over and over for a minute. Love when an NBA skills challenge has a competition that 3 children in wheelchairs could easily win too. So inclusive.

It was essentially Team Indiana Pacers—Tyrese Haliburton, Benedict Mathurin and Myles Turner representing the 14th best team in the NBA vs. Team All-Stars—Trae Young, Tyrese Maxey and Scottie Barnes aka 3 geeks who constantly remind me how much cooler NBA players used to be in the Allen Iverson era. Ricky Davis would’ve taken Trae Young’s sneakers.

Also shout out to Scottie Barnes:

Scottie Barnes with the backwards shot attempt 😂 pic.twitter.com/0V71vAmkzj

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) February 18, 2024

Put a camera on Scottie Barnes long enough and he’s going to show you that in high school, he spent 1st period through 8th period in one basement classroom.

There was a third team of Paolo Banchero, Victor Wembanyama and Anthony Edwards who lost every single round and didn’t take this shit seriously at all.

Lefty Anthony Edwards. 😂

pic.twitter.com/hR1AfHEOnC

— Hoop Central (@TheHoopCentral) February 18, 2024

The only thing Anthony Edwards cares about these days is beating Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and making sure his girlfriends don’t get cold feet on abortion day.

I think Team Pacers won. I don’t know. I was on my phone.

3-Point Contest

You know what the 3-Point Contest was missing? A 4-way tie that forces an EXTRA round.

Congrats to Karl-Anthony Towns for making the finals of the 3-Point Contest. You may continue calling yourself the greatest shooting big man of all time—a completely arbitrary and meaningless title. I feel you, dog. I’m the best writer no one reads. Who cares.

As a Knicks fan, I’m glad Jalen Brunson lost immediately. Need this man rested and healthy for the playoffs. Go sit down with your dad—who is never further than 50 feet away from Jalen just critiquing his footwork at all times.

And your winner, Damian Lillard—who was playing to get his family back while his family was tucked in bed with no idea it was even All-Star Weekend.

Steph vs. Sabrina 3-point Contest

Quick round of applause to the NBA, the NBA media and most shockingly, the fans, for not making this Steph Curry vs. Sabrina Ionescu competition about some stupid gender war that it absolutely would’ve been like, 10 years earlier.

Unfortunately, Kenny Smith did not open up that NBA PR email and was saying wildly flagrant misogynistic bullshit the entire time.

Sucks that Kenny Smith tainted a really special moment in basketball historypic.twitter.com/6ijjqUnmKS

— Noa Dalzell 🏀 (@NoaDalzellNBA) February 18, 2024

Hot Take: I’m totally okay with Kenny Smith being the WWF heel broadcaster drunk off E&J and letting all of his intrusive thoughts out. Mainly because in 2024, most people watching disagreed with him. It felt like everyone listening to him say Sabrina should go make sandwiches or whatever all universally agreed he was being an asshole. He’s the villain that 2024 NBA All-Star Saturday desperately needed.

I pray he didn’t get reprimanded behind the scenes and he busts this character out every year. We’re a couple years and 4 shots of Patron away from Kenny Smith running onto the court and swatting away someone’s 3-point shot because they won’t take their foot off the line.

Anyway, Sabrina Ionescu scored as many points as the top NBA 3-Point shooters which again, would’ve been major headlines a decade ago but I think we’ve all seen Caitlin Clark chucking up Molotov cocktails from halfcourt for the last few years so we all understand women can ball now.

Slam Dunk Contest

There is a belief the Slam Dunk Contest has fallen off due to a lack of stars as if Zion Williamson and Ja Morant would have a Michael Jordan/Dominique Wilkins-esque dunk duel when in reality, the Slam Dunk Contest is aura-less because WE’VE SEEN EVERY DUNK. We are desensitized to these dunks.

Look at what Jacob Toppin did

Jacob Toppin goes 360 through the legs 😲#ATTSlamDunk x #StateFarmSaturday on TNT pic.twitter.com/zmCqVXsFuu

— NBA (@NBA) February 18, 2024

Man came in 3rd place.

We don’t care about dunks anymore.

It’s become a ‘jump over people contest’ which is cool or whatever. Except when Jaylen Brown brings out a 5-foot-3 Twitch streamer and then takes that already shot human and sits them in a folding chair and thinks jumping over that would be impressive.

But that wasn’t even the best part. My man Jaylen landed his dunk and then covered his eyes AFTER the dunk as if he forgot to do it while he was in the air.

Jaylen Brown covered his eyes 😂😂😂 #nba pic.twitter.com/GtNf6NxPnF

— Every Monday Tales From The Crib‼️ (@felixsupreme305) February 18, 2024

Jaylen Brown was the star of the dunk contest. At one point, he just did a regular ass dunk. No theatrics. No jumping over anyone. Man had 3 dunks ready and then freestyle a 4th. Highest-paid basketball player on planet Earth and he showed up to class and tried to quickly do his homework before the teacher asked for it.

Shout out to Mac McClung, future Shanghai Sharks star.

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