The WWF continues to fumble their Road To Wrestlemania in back-to-back years as they awarded the Universal Title to Goldberg after defeating The Fiend Bray Wyatt at their mega problematic Saudi Arabia Super Show where they collect millions of murderous oil money from bloodthirsty dictators and flip those millions to drag elderly wrestler off their deathbed to smash into each other like action figures for one of the most despicable governments on planet Earth.
Last year in Saudi Arabia, Goldberg and The Undertaker quite literally almost ended each other’s lives as they both took turns dropping the other directly onto their necks. It was the most accidentally brutal wrestling match we’ve ever seen.
Just two senior citizens fighting for the right to keep their hospice bed.
— Prork (@Prork) June 7, 2019
This ‘main event’ of #WWESSD proved beyond all doubt that Goldberg should never wrestle again & the Undertaker needs to retire too. They tried hard, but they failed miserably, all for a fat, unnecessary pay cheque. Come on now, no more. Please pic.twitter.com/kJjVpuPYhK
— Gorilla Position (@WWEGP) June 9, 2019
Vince McMahon saw this and thought to himself “that man with the concussion who just gave that other man a concussion deserves to be the champion of my wrestling league”, and here we are.
As I mentioned earlier, this is the second year in a row that Vince got cute before Wrestlemania and screwed the most deserving wrestler out of the main event.
Wrestlemania 35 was the first Wrestlemania in WWF that had women competing in the main event. Becky Lynch was the biggest wrestler in the company after busting her nose in iconic bloody-faced moment that solidified her as “The Man” but because Ronda Rousey has the most star power to casual sports fan, they gave her the Raw championship and Asuka was supposed to be the third woman in the main event as she was the Smackdown women’s champion.
Anddddd then WWF fucked Asuka and had her lose the championship to Ric Flair’s daughter TWO WEEKS before Wrestlemania even though Asuka is an astronomically better wrestler. It’s a shame she’s not American and her father isn’t a WWF Hall of Famer. I’m still pissed about it. Asuka had never lost. Until two weeks before Wrestlemania. Ok.
Similarly, Bray Wyatt’s ‘Fiend’ character was the hottest gimmick in the company this past year. Didn’t matter. Still lost his title to a geriatric sociopath in a foreign country in front of an evil dictator.
It’s very clear that Vince wants Brock Lesnar and Goldberg to fight for the titles because the only way he can wake up his steroid wrecked tiny pink dick is by seeing these two jacked dudes toss each other around.
Fuck Goldberg. He’s probably going to beat Asuka too just to spite me. Thanks, I hate it.