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Attention All Yankees Fans, We’re At War With Cody Bellinger

Giancarlo Stanton is currently having the best season of his Yankees career. He lost some weight and for the first time, he seems comfortable the plate instead of his typical extremely nervous batting stance that changes every single game.

So if you’re a Yankees fan, you need to make sure Stanton stays focused this season. He truly is the key in the middle of the lineup that completely alters games. After a pitcher gets WORKED by DJ LeMaheiu and Aaron Judge at the top of the lineup, their day could end early if they make a mistake and Stanton sends one into the bleachers.

And we’re all human. Even Giancarlo Stanton, believe it or not. And as humans I think we can all agree on one singular principle: Dating. Is. Hard.

Soooo, you can imagine how Stanton must feel this week seeing his ex-girlfriend, Chase Carter, holding hands with Cody Bellinger’s bitch ass.

cody bellinger giancarlo stanton

My chest hurts and I don’t even know these people.

Who among us hasn’t casually opened an ex’s Instagram story only to see them snuggling up with some weirdo that’s less than you?

Look at this dweeb. Giancarlo Stanton looks like lightskin Superman and Cody Bellinger has the body of a high school sophomore that gets picked on during gym class by guys like Giancarlo yet Stanton’s ex is holding his hand. I’m sick.

Stanton and Chase Carter started dating two years ago after meeting at CC Sabathia’s charity softball event which probably should’ve been a red flag that homegirl has a type and she was scouting out baseball players but love is blind and dating is hard.

Do you realize how frustrating that has to feel for Stanton? Don’t date me because you like my writing here at Deadseriousness and then go date some writer at Bleacher Report. I better not see my ex snuggling with KFCBarstool.

And what must suck most of all is that when the two met, Stanton was the reigning NL MVP. Now look at her AGAIN smooching the reigning NL MVP. This witch. This siren. This villain.

It’s fuck Cody Bellinger SZN over here. The Dodgers are lucky that COVID-19 hit the nation and teams can’t travel cross country anymore or else Mr. Steal Yo Girl would have hell to pay for.

I really hope that Giancarlo Stanton unfollowed that harlot and continues to mash baseballs into outer space. Maybe that’s why he’s hitting these balls so hard. He’s trying to smash one through Cody Bellinger’s bedroom window while Cody is smashing his ex.

Dating. Is. Hard. Pray for Giancarlo.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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