It’s right about that time of year when we all pretend that we are super excited about Halloween. Your job is plastered in generic Halloween paper cut-outs. Every college campus has little skulls in random corners of every hallway. Your local job is covered in fake spider webs.
If you’re reading this then I assume you’re way too old to be trick-or-treating so Halloween is your way to get blackout drunk and squeeze into a crowded bar dressed as Batman. The fact that you still have to go to work and class on Halloween just shows how pointless the day is. Halloween as a holidays holds the same weight as National Cat Day.
If you truly enjoy Halloween and you’re above the age of 8, you’re lying. It’s a day where everyone agrees to be juvenile which is cool or whatever but Halloween comes with certain traditions and habits that just ruin the day for everyone. It’s the worst day of the year.
Here are 15 reasons why Halloween is the worst day of the year, every year.
1. Costume stress.
The week leading up consists of sleepless nights where the only thing you can think about is what you’re going to wear this Halloween. It becomes even more stressful when you’re planning a group or couple costume. November 1st you always have the best costume ideas but then a year goes by and you wait until last minute again. Every year.
2. Candy wrappers everywhere.
The streets are flooded with milky way wrappers. It’s just a filthy day.
3. Constant posing for photos.
There is zero opportunities to actually enjoy the moment as you’re constantly posing for photos. But what’s the point of playing dress up if you can’t document it, I guess.
4. “Clever” costumes.
You wrote “I love fans!” with a sharpie on a plain white t-shirt. You’re a ceiling fan. I get it. Ha.
5. It’s cold out.
Chances are, you’re wearing a ‘sexy’ costume which means you’re going to be freezing the second you step outside of your house. It’s always cold out. Every single Halloween.
6. Halloween movies suck.
(Obviously not including Hocus Pocus). Scary movies are just awful. Every scary movie is the same. Please stop making ‘found footage’ movies. We get it. There is a lot paranormal activities occurring at this home. Halloween movies are the worst.
7. Pets in costumes.
People who dress their pets in costumes are psychopaths. That’s just a scientific fact.
8. Instagram nonsense.
For the next 24 hours your instagram feed will be filled with people ripping selfies on their great costumes. All instagram rules fly out of the window on Halloween as everyone posts about 5 consecutive times. The thirst for likes are at an all time high.
9. Hours upon hours of snapchat stories.
Your snapchat story should never be longer than 60 seconds. Halloween night, expect to sit through infinite seconds of dark clubs with flashing lights and girls screaming in the background.
10. Haunted houses.
Halloween fun consists of having strangers frighten you. Fuck. That.
11. Your wallet will be empty.
Everything on Halloween costs money. Haunted houses cost money. Your dumb cat costume costs money. Drinks cost money. Candy for annoying children that you have no real responsibility for costs money. Halloween is expensive as shit.
12. Children everywhere.
Now I know there are plenty of children in my neighborhood, probably. But it’s a little overwhelming when you see all of them at once just goosestepping down the street on sugar highs demanding more snacks that they have not earned and most do not deserve.
13. Work/School the next day.
Having to awkwardly show up to class the next day still covered in blue spray paint from your ‘hilarious’ Smurf costume is a nightmare. It always sucks going to work with a hangover but that hangover is magnified times 100 with all of the candy in your system.
Having to scrap egg yolk off of your car windshield in the morning might be the worst feeling in the world. The only feeling worse is trying to yank toilet paper out of the tree in your front yard.
I love candy. It’s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. But Halloween takes candy ingestion to a whole next level. Maybe it’s the size of those little kit kats that makes me think I can eat a bajillion of them or maybe it’s the access to all-you-can-eat free candy but a Halloween candy overdose is almost always on deck.
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