“Jacksonville Jaguars running back Denard Robinson was behind the wheel of a vehicle that ended up in a retention pond near the intersection of Beach Boulevard and Southside. Police reports say Robinson and his passenger were passed out or asleep when officers arrived just after 4 a.m. Sunday. The front side of the black Chevy Impala was submerged in the water. Police officers knocked on the door to wake them up, according to the report.
‘The driver (Denard Robinson) opened his eyes and then went back to sleep. I continued to knock on the window until the passenger Marissa Staples woke up and rolled the window down and said “what’s up”. I explained that their vehicle was in a pond and that they needed to exit the vehicle. The passenger attempted to roll the window back up. I was able to reach in the vehicle and unlock the door so I could help the occupants exit the vehicle. The passenger refused to exit the vehicle and had to be pulled out of the car. The driver was passed out during this whole process. I was able to wake the driver but had to turn the vehicle off and remove his seatbelt. The driver thought he was on a road and did not want to exit the vehicle. I had to tell the driver multiple times his car was in a pond and was sinking so he needed to hurry up and get out. The driver tried about three times to open the driver’s door which was the side that was under water. I had to keep reminding the driver to climb out of the passenger side because his door was in the water.’
Robinson and the passenger were not hurt and will not be charged with a crime, police say.”
Denard Robinson might be one of my favorite college quarterbacks in the last decades. He led Michigan’s offense without ever tying his cleats for some reason. I’m a sucker for quarterbacks who are a threat to scramble for a 60-yard touchdown run on any given play.
Having said that, Denard was definitely smoking K2 last night, right? K2 is a synthetic marijuana that is undetectable in NFL drug tests. Side effects include waking up in your car as it’s in a pond and going back to sleep like there isn’t a cop shining a light in your face.
“What’s up?” is either the reaction of a man sooo high that he doesn’t comprehend the severity of his current predicament orrrr a guy who is extremely embarrassed and trying to play it cool.
Don’t smoke K2.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you were just reminded that Denard Robinson was still in the NFL. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here.