beauty and the beast

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Beauty and The Beast Is The Worst Disney Movie Ever

Beauty and the Beast is a movie in which a prince is turned into a beast and can only return to being a human again if/when he convinces a girl to fall in love with him before the last pedal on his weird magic cursed rose falls.

The overall premise of the movie that looks don’t matter and love conquers all is immediately undermined when one of the characters name is literally ‘beauty’. If Beast was the one who was punished and needed to find true love, why does Belle need to learn the lesson of not judging a book by the cover?

I guess we are supposed to believe that she is out of his league because she’s beautiful and he’s like, a bison but he’s also a wealthy prince that lives in a gigantic castle. Monetarily, no woman is out of his league regardless of his appearance. The playing field is level the second you walk her through your exorbitant ballroom.

But let’s go back to the initial curse that started all of this bullshit. Prince Adam was 11-years old when he was turned into the Beast because he was a selfish entitled kid. A beggar comes to his front door one day asking for shelter in exchange for a rose. If you’re the richest dude on the block, you are not letting strange sketchy women crash at your place.

She reveals she’s a witch and gets pissed that Adam didn’t let her stay there because she pretended to be ugly. Realistically the 11-year old boy didn’t let you stay there because he seems to be a parent-less little boy and you’re a stranger trespassing. The fact that he was cursed for a decade is more than an overreaction from a witch who ended up being gorgeous and just played some weird trick on a kid for no real reason.

On top of that, not only does Adam get turned into like, a water buffalo, all of the castle employees get turned into silverware and shit. How is that fair? What did they do wrong to be included in her little prank. Poor, Cogsworth. One day he’s a servant, the next he’s a clock. He hasn’t written or spoken to his family for a decade so you can only assume they think he’s dead.

But returning to the inconsistent beauty motif and mixed messages, Gaston is clearly the best looking human man ever created and we are led to believe he’s the villain even though Beast actually kidnapped Belle. Again, I was never in favor of Beast being cursed but like, you can’t go around kidnapping chicks. Not a good look, guy.

Beauty and the Beast is so clearly a story written by a mega ugly man. If you compare the two men in this tale, they match up perfectly. Let’s remember, Beast isn’t a sensitive guy until the very end when we’ve already spent 90 minutes watching him be a jerk. Gaston is for sure a jerk too but at the same time, in any other story he’d be the hero. I think the point I’m making is that neither guy is great but at least one of them is technically in the right.

A monster prince/king kidnaps a girl and the handsome every man has to rescue her from his clutches. But nope, Gaston gets murdered and the grizzly bear wins the girl.

What lesson did Beast learn? Be a dick to everyone unless they’re a hot girl? Isn’t that exactly what he was punished for in the first scene of this same movie? Beauty and the Beast is the worst Disney movie ever and no one can tell me otherwise.

 

 

 

Sidenote: I didn’t want to get into the weird bestiality stuff but Belle def banged that Minotaur, right?

 

 

 

 

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Written by TheLesterLee

TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Van Buren Boy. Don Dada.
Born in a manger. Emotionally unavailable.

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