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Would You Die For The Chainsmokers?

On Saturday night, The Chainsmokers held a charity concert ironically titled ‘Safe and Sound’ in The Hamptons that was intended to be a drive-in experience that you enjoy from the comfort of your car and quickly turned into a Coronavirus petri dish.

Lit as hell.

There is no better way to spend a Saturday night then at the Hamptons with some of your closest business rivals and frenemies spending up to $25,000 on a future tax write-off charity event to see two mediocre white dudes hit play on their Macbooks as you cough into your friend’s open mouths while you record grainy loud purple concert footage for your ten minute long Instagram story that no one will open all the way through except your exes.

But here is the absolute strangest part of the night.


Meet David Solomon, the fucking CEO of Goldman Sachs who opened up for The Chainsmokers DJing for an hour in front of slightly less rich people who can now lie and say how much they loved his DJ set so they can steal loans for their shitty failing businesses.

Here is what Solomon said about his lovely experience at this COVID chickenpox party.

“Standing up there and watching the sunset, looking out over this huge field of cars and people on their cars, it was absolutely beautiful. The group that put this together did an incredible job in a difficult environment. If we work together and are thoughtful, we can do things that feel more normal and allow us to live with this virus safely.”

I love the idea of everyone calming in their cars straight up ignoring this asshole’s set as he’s looking on like ‘ah, this is the life’ and the second Solomon helicopters back to Manhattan, everyone runs out of their cars and lose their minds for The Chainsmokers—two men that you’d 1000% instantly cover your drink if you saw them walking in your direction.

Also full transparency, I was in Southampton that night talking to people who were excited about this concert and let me just say that they were uh, the types of people most susceptible to COVID so it’d be a real shame if all those old people went into that open field pretending to be hip and young only to be on respirators right now because they just HAD to see the musical genius of The Chainsmokers.

These are the same people that believe COVID is a hoax and masks don’t matter and life is about risk and blah blah sooooo if they die, they die. ….For The Chainsmokers.






sidenote: I know I said I was in Southampton that night so it sounds like I was at that concert. I promise you, I have never seen the CEO of Goldman Sachs DJ before. I’d like to keep that going as long as possible.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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