White People Are On A Mission To Ruin Cardi B

Cardi B is one of the biggest superstars on the planet right now for seemingly two completely and polar opposite reasons. Some people love her because she is a regular woman. The type of woman who would absolutely roast you if you tried to hit on her at a bar. She’s the friend in your groupchat who mocks all the guys you hook up with and shares all the weird dick pics she gets with everyone.

But some people love her because they have never experienced anyone like her. For some, she is a glimpse into a world that they themselves are not a part of. Dominican women from the Bronx with fingernails longer than the hair on their head don’t exist in most parts of the world.

Cardi B was a stripper four years ago just out here struggling in the game. It’s slow in ‘urban’ strip clubs for skinny chicks. One of my favorite jokes from this season of Atlanta is when Earn drags everyone to the strip club so he can stunt and spend his first big paycheck. Van asks for singles so she can give it to the lonely stripper in the corner getting no attention and Earn says ‘Ew but she’s so skinny’.

So Cardi B went full Steve Rogers and got that super soldier serum injected into her veins and the outcome was a line from my favorite song ‘Money Bag’ off her new album ‘Invasion of Privacy’ when she says ‘he can tell from the front I got ass behind me’.

She is one of the most unique looking humans on Earth and she is simultaneously one of the most relatable and unique stars in the game.

Annddd white people are dead set on ruining this woman’s life.

Cardi B was the co-host of the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on Monday night and it quickly became super uncomfortable as Jimmy Fallon asked Cardi to explain the way she talks to the audience.

It was the equivalent of Fallon taking the class on a field trip to the Bronx Zoo and observing the animals in their cages. It’s awkward to watch because I can’t say confidently whether or not the audience was laughing with her or at her.

Jimmy is treating her like a special needs kid. The dissection of her language came off as less than a celebration of her roots and more of an exercise of making black people tap dance. Suburban white people still listen to rap music ‘ironically’ and as a joke.

Look at the Virginia women’s lacrosse team who recorded themselves rapping along to Lil Dicky’s song ‘Freaky Friday’ in which he switches bodies with Chris Brown and the first thing he does, as Chris Brown, is say ‘nigga’ over and over again.

Rap and people like Cardi B are still jokes to (some) white people. If you followed Cardi B back in the day when she used to record Vines then you know that she is hilarious. There are still people who make fun of the way she speaks without realizing that it’s intentional. Her voice is her comedic weapon of choice much like Chris Rock or Bobcat Goldthwait.

Cardi is funnier than Jimmy Fallon and imagine how much better that episode of The Tonight Show would’ve been if she was the guest host and not ‘co-host’. Why did she need supervision? Jimmy Kimmel had no problem allowing Kristen Bell and Jennifer Lawrence guest host for him in his absence and they were fantastic. Let Cardi present herself the way she wants to present herself instead of having Jimmy say ‘okay, now explain to everyone why you talk so weird’.

Invasion of Privacy is a fire album. Bodak Yellow was the biggest song of 2017. She’s the most popular rapper in New York right now and at the end of the day, she’s just like us. She wants to secure the bag. She wants to be in love and have a family. She wants people to like her.

She’s unique in that people who are like Cardi aren’t allowed to flourish. Look at the rise of Tiffany Haddish. (White) people acted like they had never seen a woman before who really ‘tells it like it is’ but she’s a normal girl from Los Angeles who is hilarious and clearly mega talented but these women aren’t unicorns that manifested overnight and must now be worshipped until the new girl with an ‘attitude’ that ‘gives zero fucks’ emerges with dark skin, a curvy body and a southern accent and wait I think I’m describing Beyonce.

Let Cardi B live.






Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you love Cardi B as much as I realized as did as I wrote this. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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