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What To Expect From The New Yankees Outfielder Mike Tauchman

Eat a dick, Tyler Wade

Brian Cashman miiiight have just done it again. Last season, he traded Chasen Shreve for Luke Voit and good ol‘ International Pool Money and it seemed like it was a move to get rid of Shreve. Voit was a quick throw in.

Then Voit fucked around and helped carry the Yankees to the postseason as guys like Gary Sanchez and Greg Bird struggled. Aaron Judge didn’t have a wrist and Sonny Gray was paid by opposing teams to throw pitches right down the middle of the plate.

Cashman found Voit and he destroyed baseballs.

Enter Mike Tauchman.

Here’s what a scout said about Tauchman:

“He can play center field. I put him in at a 55 defender [on a scale from 20 to 80]. He has good makeup and he always hit in the minor leagues. I don’t think the big-league numbers represent what he is,”

Tauchman played 606 career minor league games and bat .304. He’s a left-handed batter in Yankee Stadium which means he’ll probably end up smashing 40 home runs accidentally.

With Aaron Hicks not having a back and Jacoby Ellsbury being Jacoby Ellsbury, it’s safe to say that Tauchman is going to get plenty of opportunities to prove himself.

  • Best Case Scenario: Mike Tauchman turns into the 2019 version of Luke Voit and replaces Brett Gardner, who you can assume will fall off a cliff offensively.
  • Worst Case Scenario: He turns into the 2019 version of Brandon Drury where all of the potential is there but there’s simply no place for him to play with Gardner moving to centerfield in Hicks’s absence. Stanton moving to left field and Luke Voit/Greg Bird splitting DH at-bats.

Regardless of the outcome, it will never not be funny to me that Clint Frazier cannot make the major league roster. Tyler Wade simply isn’t a good enough hitter. Wade would get playing time in like, Oakland or Tampa Bay or whatever but the Yankees are stacked and there’s no room for the guy.

But Clint Frazier getting demoted is hilarious. Love it.


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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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