Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait…….How The Fuck is Giancarlo Stanton Not An All-Star?

Pinstripes in the Capital. pic.twitter.com/MzjnLIhydE

— New York Yankees (@Yankees) July 8, 2018

First, before I start screaming about Giancarlo Stanton not making the All-Star roster while Shin Soo-Choo is on the team, let me first congratulate my ace, Luis Severino. He is the favorite to win the Cy Young award. Every time he steps on the mound, the Yankees win. He is the best pitcher in the American League and Justin Verlander goes to bed at night dreaming that he’s as good as Severino.

I want to congratulate Aroldis Chapman for leaving his wife alone for a year and having the best season of his career. Joe Maddon tried to destroy his arm in the playoffs when the Chicago Cubs traded for him to win the World Series in 2016 but he’s back and better than ever and again, I really hope he’s being nice to all women, please.

Aaron Judge is the GOAT. I need not explain further. Of course, he’s starting the All-Star game.

And to my son, Gleyber Torres, the man who will go as the best second baseman ever, welcome to the show. Not quite sure why Jose Altuve is starting considering that Torres is better in every possible way but we’ll all continue to pretend for now.

But how in the fuck is Giancarlo Stanton not on the All-Star team? HOW SWAY?

Stanton has 21 homers and 51 RBIs and he plays on the best team in baseball. My man is slugging .509 which is better than Mitch Haniger, Jose Altuve and again, that bitch ass Shin Soo-Choo. Sure, Stanton is batting as well as guys like Trout or JD Martinez but he’s batting .267 which is the same as Nelson Cruz, who he is better than and it’s better than George Springer, who Stanton is substantially better than.

What are we doing here? How is our society running like this? After the 2016 election, have we STILL not figured out this voting thing? GEORGE SPRINGER IS THIS YEAR’S DONALD TRUMP, BASICALLY.

Have you seen this man swing a bat? Every time a baseball hits his bat, it explodes into dust once it breaks through the Earth’s atmosphere and hits outer space. He’s not an All-Star? And Michael fucking Brantley is?? I. Need. Answers.

Everyone go vote Giancarlo Stanton into the last All-Star spot or I’m going to Nationals Park and burning the entire stadium to the ground.

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Giancarlo Stanton should be on the All-Star team. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.