Vin Diesel is the Only Man Brave Enough To Save Us From Coronavirus

The Coronavirus is shutting down the world. Italy is on complete lockdown. Sporting events are being played in empty arenas. Presidential campaign rallies are canceling. Workers are being paid to stay home which is when you REALLY know we’re all going to die.

And one man is stepping us to let the world know that he will never bend the knee to infectious disease.

In a recent interview on his press tour for the new movie Bloodshot, Vin Diesel has announced that Fast and Furious 9 will be coming out in May and will never be pushed back.

Here is Diesel’s exact quote when asked about changing the opening weekend of F9:

Let me put it to you this way: ‘Bloodshot’ at the end of the day is a soldier and a soldier doesn’t decide or pick when or where he’s deployed. We’re going to go in.”

vin diesel


You don’t choose when you get deployed. The Earth is on fire. The stock market is crashing. The coronavirus is killing tens of elevens of people across the globe. Cities are quarantining themselves. We need powerful cinematic experiences more than ever.

Let’s review the tape:


How could we let a pandemic rob us off John Cena entering the Fast and Furious franchise? The Return of Han. Baby Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel’s secret brother that he’s had for 9 movies now but never mentioned. I think someone catches a car with their bare hands at one point? Swinging a car off a cliff. Mia’s back. Charlize’s dreads.

Fuck Coronavirus. If I catch every strain of the flu because I saw F9 on opening night then it will be well worth my inevitable early funeral. What is the point of even being alive if not to see the 9th movie in the Fast franchise? Why am I even getting up in the morning? To just go to work and die and maybe get to touch a girl’s butt once or twice?

Thank you to Vin for standing up to the plague and beating it to death with a wrench and then drinking an ice cold Corona (lite) on its grave totally unironically.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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