Kristin Smith is a 33-year old creator of a fashion start-up company who is divorced from former Dallas Cowboys safety, Gerald Sensabaugh, so homegirl clearly has a ‘type’. Rich athletes who like banging a bunch of other people while they’re in a relationship with her.
Apparently, Tiger and Kristin Smith were dating last year when Tiger was found cruising down the shoulder of the road high as fuck on every single prescription drug ever made in Jupiter, Florida while she was in Texas cashing his checks.
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I had no idea this relationship was even a thing but you can always tell when Tiger is in a relationship. Once he settles down, he has no idea how to play golf. His career ended when he married Elin Nordegren and stopped banging random hoes. But man, once Tiger starts fingering local deli cashiers, pray for the rest of the PGA tour.
Tiger Woods has had some recent success on the tour. Well, now we know why. He was getting some side vag from Erica Herman, a local Florida restaurant manager. Most people walk into a Denny’s for $4 grand slam meal. Tiger Woods walks into a Denny’s and chooses which waitress is going to blow him while his girlfriend calls his phone nonstop on the nightstand next to his head.
Aw look at Tiger and Erica Herman. They look so happy together. This is literally the face I make when I’m on the subway and a homeless guy walks on after me and starts singing an Earth Wind and Fire song for money and I refuse to make eye contact.
Kristin Smith signed an NDA and is now planning to break that agreement to dish out all the Tiger dirt and the streets need it. Here’s the thing about making your ex-girlfriend sign an NDA, you KNOW she has some nasty texts and stories that you can’t let the public ever see or hear.
We’re about a week away from finding out that Tiger likes his butthole licked like a lollipop or something. Tiger has absolutely no game. There is nothing the world needs more right now than saved receipts of Tiger ‘dirty talk’. He seems like the type of guy that demands to be called ‘daddy’.
But what makes this story even more wild is that Tiger is threatening to leak photos of Kristin if she breaks the NDA. Is Tiger representing himself in court? Does he not have someone in his corner to pull him aside and say ‘hey buddy, um, that’s called revenge porn, man. That’s like, super illegal. Plus, you look like a piece of shit threatening to release a girl’s nudes after YOU cheated’.
Well, Tiger’s recent golf success is over. When will this crazy kid just find a hot blonde woman that is totally okay with him having 18 hostesses as his side chicks so he can start winning tournaments again?
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you hope Kristin Smith breaks the NDA and reveals all of Tiger’s creepy shit. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.