President Donald Trump’s youngest daughter, Tiffany Trump, has split with her longtime boyfriend, Ross Mechanic.
Sources have confirmed to Page Six that Tiffany and Ross, who had dated for just over two years, split after she moved to Washington, DC, to attend Georgetown Law.
One source told us of Trump’s only child with second wife Marla Maples, “Tiffany and Ross’ relationship had become pretty serious, but they quietly broke up late last year. It was all about her moving to DC. Ross didn’t want her to go there without him, as he lives in New York. He wanted to be with her 24/7, and with Tiffany away in another city, it became a huge disagreement, and they decided to go their separate ways.”
The window for me to sneak into the Trump family has finally opened as Tiffany Trump is officially single and presumably, ready to mingle. Now is my chance to sneak into the back door like Jared Kushner did.
This time next year, you’re going to hear my name in the news as I’m being questioned by the millionth FBI director, after all of the previous directors have been fired one by one, about my relationship with Russia and why I suddenly went from a blogger into a millionaire invested in Russian oil companies.
Tiffany Trump. Bae. Love of my life. The ugly duckling. The girl of my (drunk) dreams. The girl I would make fun of when she walks into the bar at 10pm with all of her friends that look way better than her that are clearly only hanging out with her because she is the designated driver but at 2am I would be hitting on her as hard as I could once the lights came on.
You blew it, Ross. Now Lester Lee is coming in to pick up the pieces. Catch me with my feet up on the Oval Office couches with Kellyane Conway as we refresh our Bank of America accounts watching the numbers rise as we lie on MSNBC about Hillary Clinton’s secret child pedophilia ring at the local Pret A Manger.
You are all invited to our wedding which will be streaming on Facebook Live and sponsored by Ivanka’s shitty fashion line. Plz RSVP early.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think I should shoot my shot with T-Trump. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.