jacoby ellsbury

This Motherfucker Jacoby Ellsbury Now Has an Injured Heel To Go With His Injured Oblique and Injured Hip

Jacoby Ellsbury is literally falling apart. Every single bone and muscle in his body is injured. I’ve never seen anything like this. The man ruined his hip while rehabbing his oblique and while rehabbing his hip, he has now ruined his foot. Does Ellsbury sleep on a glass table with boulders as pillows? What is going on?

I hate this guy.

Now, I don’t hate him because his bones are made of dandelions although, that doesn’t help. When healthy, I think he’s an above average defender and can still hit the ball a little bit but he disappeared in the playoffs and when you look at the 40-man roster, he’s the worst outfield option by far.

No, I hate this man because during the offseason, he refused to waive his no-trade clause after convincing himself that he could beat Aaron Hicks for the starting centerfield job even though Aaron Hicks is lightyears better than Ellsbury at this point in their careers.

Am I saying that these injuries are karma and all of his Monkey Paw wishes have run out? Absolutely. If he wasn’t a dick and just allowed the Yankees to trade his STUPID $21 million contract this Winter, he’d probably be healthier than ever and batting .300 somewhere.

But nope, he decided to be a stubborn prick and now his feet are falling off, he has one hip and his tummy hurts. But this is all a part of the prophecy where Jacoby Ellsbury dies to save Clint Frazier’s career. As it was written.

#RIPJacoby

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you hope Ellsbury retires by the end of the day. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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