There Are Officially Zero Reasons To Root For DeMarcus Cousins Now

For years, people have soured on DeMarcus Cousins as he wasn’t capable of leading the Sacramento Kings to the playoffs while arguing with coaches and referees on a nightly basis.

And every step of the way I defended him. This was a stretch in time when he was the most offensively gifted big man in the NBA. In 7 seasons in Sacramento, Cousins averaged 21 points and 11 boards but took all the blame for the Kings failing even though their roster was atrocious and they hired the worst head coaches.

And after turning himself into a crucial foundation of the local Sacramento community and doing everything he could on the court to prove he was deserving on that sweet delicious supermax salary, the Kings traded him to New Orleans during All-Star weekend thus ensuring that he could no longer qualify for the supermax that he busted his ass to earn.

Then after a strange feeling out process between he and Anthony Davis, the two of them finally figured out how to play alongside one another only for Cousins’s achilles to snap as he was hustling for a loose ball. It’s an evil world we live in.

He was forced to sign a minimum contract with the Warriors which was his chance to rehab and prepare to re-enter free agency the following summer with a healthy achilles and a championship ring.

Kawhi Leonard personally ended that fairy tale and Cousins looked AWFUL in the playoffs after suffering another setback, this time being a quad injury and becoming the most earthbound basketball player in NBA history just never leaving the ground whenever he tried to jump. It was as if they turned the gravity up whenever he went for a rebound.

Still, we stan.

And then my man didn’t get a phone call all summer. Free agency came and went and Boogie remanded a free agent before only recently signing with the Lakers after AD begged him.

DeMarcus Cousins went from the best big man in the NBA to the 12th man on the Los Angeles Lakers bench just on the team to sell tickets and jerseys to kids who don’t realize his legs don’t work anymore.

BOOGIE GOT MARRIED. We continue to stan our betrothed king.


DeMarcus Cousins fans, feel free to stop reading here. This is where the Boogie movie ends.

For those of you still reading, here’s Boogie uh, threatening to put a bullet through his ex’s head:

Now, I obviously don’t think Boogie is going to shoot the mother of his child because she’s like, annoying him. Nothing about Cousins should lead you to believe that he’s a shooter.

Having said that, I’m 1000% off the Cousins bandwagon. There’s absolutely no reason to stay. You can’t hang around for his game but it’s nonexistent these days. Cousins couldn’t get more minutes that Kevan Looney in the playoffs. He looked like Charles Barkley after the Monstars took his talent.

So, if I’m no longer a fan of him on the court, I’m certainly not rooting for any man who talks to a woman that way.

And by the way, that woman is an asshole. Clearly. She’s a garbage bag. Let your son go see his father get married.

That in no way gives Boogie permission to threaten her life. If his fuse is this short over the phone then who knows what happens when they’re in a room together. Fuck that.

Good luck hanging out with Dwight Howard all season long as you rehab your torn ACL. I’m off the Cousins train and I’m taking a Spirit flight right back to Waiters Island where I belong. He wouldn’t hurt a fly but man, will he shoot his ass off.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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