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The John Cena Osama Bin Laden Announcement is Art

Osama Bin Laden was killed on May 1st 2011. It was a pretty dope night mainly because of how random president Obama’s announcement was. The 9/11 attacks were 10 years prior and Al-Qaeda was an after thought by 2011. Killing Bin Laden was cool or whatever but the best part was John Cena telling WWF fans that it happened.

Art.

John Cena started his career as the ‘Doctor of Thuganomics’ wearing big chains, turning his hat sideways, freestyle rapping and saying ‘Word Life’ in no particularly consistent context that made sense.

Plenty of black wrestlers tried that gimmick and went nowhere but being a ganster rapper shot John Cena up to the main event. Wonder why WWF CEO Vince McMahon—who is good friends with Donald Trump and whose wife worked in the White House with Trump—would exploit urban culture and attach it to a generic white guy? Coincidence, I’m sure.

Cena would eventually trade those gaudy chains for army dog tags and transform into this GI Joe-esque action figure man boy man thing. It all reached a head the night Osama was murked.

The WWF had a pay per view that night and after the show was over, Cena stands on an announce table to deliver the news. Art begins.

First he adds this weird Southern rural twang to his voice that he never has ever. “Who defend the freedom of this coun-tray”. Cena gets super Arkansas with it.

“We have caught…and compromised…to a permanent end…Osama. Bin. Laden.”

Art.

The choice of verbiage is incredible. No need to say that Osama Bin Laden has been killed. That’s not official enough. You’re John fucking Cena. You are getting this report from a walkie-talkie directly connected to the Navy SEALS ranger that annihilated Bin Laden. You must use terminology you heard from a war movie that the scriptwriter got the terminology from another war movie.

“Comprised to a permanent end” Ah yes, that way that people say things. Love the pan out to the fans afterward as some awkwardly look to the person next to them not understanding what Cena just said because he used a turn of phrase from a Playstation 2 SOCOM game.

Then John Cena says he’s ‘damn proud’ as he begins to tear up before heading back to the locker room walking past a steel fucking cage still surrounding the ring.

There is a key detail that always needs to be brought up when discussing this night in American history: The Rock knew it first.

The Rock was aware Bin Laden died a full ten minutes before Obama told us.

John Cena and The Rock were responsible for telling more Americans about Bin Laden than the president of the United States was.

I thank these men for their service every single day. I suggest you do the same.

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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