The Craziest Thing About Dick’s Sporting Goods No Longer Selling Assault Rifles is That DICK’S SPORTING GOODS USED TO SELL ASSAULT RIFLES

One of the nation’s largest sports retailers, Dick’s Sporting Goods, said Wednesday morning it was immediately ending sales of all assault-style rifles in its stores.

The retailer also said that it would no longer sell high-capacity magazines and that it would not sell any gun to anyone under 21 years of age, regardless of local laws.

“When we saw what happened in Parkland, we were so disturbed and upset,” Mr. Stack said in an interview Tuesday evening. “We love these kids and their rallying cry, ‘enough is enough.’ It got to us.”



If you were still questioning whether or not there was a gun problem in America, look no further than your local Dick’s Sporting Goods, where you could simply scoop up an AR-15 in the same afternoon that you purchase a lacrosse stick, a tennis racket and all you can eat ammunition.

Round of applause to Dick’s Sporting Goods doing the right thing here and removing assault rifles from their stock. It would have been totally cool if this decision was made after the Las Vegas Shooting. Or the Orlando Night Club Shooting. Or Aurora Colorado. Or the thousands of other daily mass shootings but better late than never(??).

Thankfully, it took another school shooting for Dick’s to decide that they will ONLY be selling harmless cute little handguns to people who have been on Earth for 21 years. Problem solved, right? Dick’s Sporting Goods solved the gun crisis.

Sure, it’s going to suck that now if you want an assault rifle you have to walk two stores door in the same strip mall to the Walmart where you go in for a gun and drive out in a fully armored tank and buy one get one free smoke grenades that they’re practically giving away at the check out counter I mean like, what a deal. But still, that’s so inconvenient compared to just buying all of that at Dick’s with a pair of Sketchers Shape-Ups and a crossbow.

Thank you, Dick’s, for saving the world.



Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Dick’s Sporting Goods is a little late on this decision. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.



Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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