The Bachelor Recap: Welcome To The Sarah Show

Last week Sarah introduced herself to The Bachelor cinematic universe in a one-on-one date with Matt in which they flew eerily close above The Bachelor Mansion before an intimate night of Sarah telling Matt that her dad is quite literally dying from ALS as they speak.

Matt responded the only way you can after a girl reveals heavy shit like that on the first date—he talked about his faith in god even though she did not at any point mention being religious. Naturally, their bond was palpable through the TV.

The episode ending with Sarah fainting during the rose ceremony even though she entered the rose ceremony having already received a rose and knew she was safe for the next week. Little did we know that she was about to go full Main Character mode and star in the Sarah Show this week.

Fast forward to Monday night’s episode that began with Matt consoling Sarah privately (in front of all the other women standing there in tiny dresses in a room that you just KNOW has that air conditioner blowing).

This would pretty much be the theme of the remainder of the episode.

She showed up to a group date she was not invited to and interrupted Katie The Coomer’s alone time with Matt so she could explain to him that she was considering leaving which drained the energy out of the evening and left most of the girls pissed that their time with him was taken so that Sarah could update her to-do list with him.

The next day when Matt came to pick Serena up for their one-on-one date, Sarah refused to leave her room which once again inspired Matt to console her and steal more time from the other girls.

Crying your eyes out nonstop to get more attention from the bachelor is a bold strategy but it was absolutely working to the point that I’m shocked it doesn’t happen more frequently. If I’m the other women in that house I am watching Dumbo and bringing those years directly to Matt’s door.

After getting absolutely ragdolled by all the girls in the house who have zero time for her little games, she broke down and revealed that her dad is dying in a few weeks and that she needs to go see him.

Some would argue, if you knew your father was on his deathbed then you shouldn’t have gone on a remote dating game show for multiple months in the midst of a global pandemic but do your thing, Sarah.

She would eventually leave the house and end the Sarah Show with her crying in the driver’s ear about Matt or her dad or love. I don’t know, I was texting.

Biggest Character 180: Victoria

Victoria sucked the first two episodes. Not because she was a drama queen or whatever. We love toxic queens. Mainly the problem with Victoria was that she was so clearly going onto this show to get famous that she started the drama shit wayyy too early. You can’t force it. It’ll come to you, bb girl.

She successfully got Marylynn kicked off the show for no reason other than to discover how much power she truly holds and with great power comes great responsibility. Victoria used those powers for good this week straight up shitting on Sarah for like, 7 consecutive minutes in a truly hilarious roast session.

Nothing but respect for my very sleepy queen with the heaviest bags under her eyes I’ve ever seen. It’s dope that the producers let her bring so much blow to the house.

Grossest Self-Promotion: Chris Harrison’s Book

Chris Harrison was in charge of determining this week’s dates for Matt and the first group date existed exclusively in order for this weirdo to highkey promote his book ‘The Perfect Letter’, an erotic novel he wrote in 2015 for some reason.

I really wish this book didn’t exist.

Best Matt Moment: Close Your Fucking Eyes


It is impossible to ignore the fact that Matt refuses to close his eyes when he’s kissing these poor victims. Matt tweeting out a joke about it just makes it even worse. Being aware of how creepy you are and continuing to be creepy is far worse than not realizing that your behavior is flawed.

After Sarah left him, I assume he will continue to kiss these girls with his eyes open so he can see if they are trying to sneak off and abandon him too. He’s going to miss the Sarah Show.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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