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The Art of Ghosting

Summer is quickly approaching. The sun is starting to shine. The temperature is starting to rise. That means one thing and one thing only, time to cut ties with your lame ass girlfriend or boyfriend.

But here’s the thing, breakups are the worst thing ever. There is no point going through all of that turmoil if you don’t have to. I am here to ease your pain. Don’t sit your partner down and have an adult conversation with them.

Don’t sit your partner down and have an adult conversation with them. What are you going to say? “The sun is out, I’m going to go hump someone else. Talk to you in September.” I mean if that’s your move then please tell me all about it in full detail. That’s amazing.

For those of you who aren’t assholes but still want to enjoy your summer without being chained down, here is the solution. Here is how you break free of the chains.

It’s simple really, just disappear. Ghost.

But ghosting in an art form. You can’t just wake up in the morning with the juice. It’s an art form you must master.

Luckily, I’m a master at ghosting. Let me guide you through your journey. Walk with me.

Here is the 3-step foolproof ART of Ghosting:

Step 1

Be Yourself

arod-mirror

Just be yourself. When you’re ready to ghost, just show your true colors. When you’re in a relationship or talking to someone, you’re usually on your best behavior. Change that. Just be your regular asshole self. Stop pretending like you’re a good person. You’re not. Revert back to your natural self.

The second a girl thinks it’s okay to burp in my face I delete her number. When you’re ready to ghost, just feel free to stop holding doors open and feeding them unnecessary compliments. Get back to the person you were before you met.

This will make the separation easier for both of you. You’re already beginning to drift away and they want to spend less time with you because you suck.

 

Step 2

Ignore Texts

hillary texting

I suppose this is the crux of this article. In order to successfully ghost, you’re going to need to ignore texts. I mean, it should probably be the only step but you know, word counts.

This isn’t an easy task for most. You’re used to responding to texts. It’s an inherent reflex. You have to change that mentality. I honestly love ignoring texts. I pride myself

I honestly love ignoring texts. I pride myself in it. There is no bigger thrill in life than seeing an incoming text and straight up ignoring it. I’m getting hard just thinking about all of those unread texts.

 

Step 3

Vanish

Ghost

This is your final step. The nail in the coffin. You’re going to want to vanish. Disappear from the grid entirely. And you must vanish completely. You want the person you’re ghosting to question whether or not you ever existed to begin with. If they’re not confused about their sanity then you’re ghosting wrong.

Now you’re not going to stay off the grid forever. Just 1-3 weeks. Then, BAM. Resurface harder than ever. 200-second long Snapchat stories every day showing how great your life is. Instagram selfies daily.

Be. Yourself. Ignore texts. Vanish. The art of ghosting. Try it out. Have a fun summer. Bang everyone.

 

#RIPSwayze

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you plan on ghosting before Summer.

TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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