Shohei Ohtani Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks

I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Los Angeles Angels dual-threat player, Shohei Ohtani, had a less than impressive start to his 2020 MLB season. After not pitching for nearly two years following an elbow injury that required Tommy John surgery in 2018, Shohei Ohtani returned andddd was absolute trash.

30 pitches. 15 balls. 0 outs. 4 runs (charged with 5). 3 walks. He didn’t even make it 20 minutes into the game before the Oakland Athletics ripped him to shreds. Delicious.

Marcus Semien hit a lead off single, Ramon Laureano, Matt Chapman and Matt Olson reached base on balls, and Mark Canha and Robbie Grossman proceeded to hit more singles. Good outing, Shohei. You suck.

Now, I’m not totally rooting against Ohtani. It is very cool to see him pitch one night and then DH the following especially considering how good of a hitter he is. Last season Ohtani had 18 homers and 62 RBIs all while recovering from the same Tommy John that kept him from pitching.

I want to be excited about this type of special presence in a sport that is so stale that you’re not even allowed to post highlights without MLB kicking your door in and getting your social media account suspended.

That being said, fuck Shohei for not signing with the Yankees when he came over from Japan in 2017. Fuck Shohei for stealing the 2018 Rookie of the Year award from Gleyber Torres and Miguel Andujar.

If I were Ohtani I’d be going out of my way to catch the virus and get like, a week off to avoid stepping on that mound again and getting builled by every hitter in the lineup. I’m getting into that Miami Marlin groupchat asap. Invite me to one of the parties that you 1000% should not be having.

Shohei Ohtani suuuuuuuucks.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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