Robinson Cano Being Suspended 80 Games For Steroids is the Least Surprising News of All Time




Robinson Cano is a 35-year old second baseman currently nursing a broken hand that he suffered during batting practice a few days ago and nowwww, he’s gone for the next 80 games because apparently, he took a substance that is known for hiding steroids from a test.

Not the best look.

Cano was batting .287 with 4 homers and 23 RBIs to help the Mariners battle in the AL West. You’d expect more home runs from a guy lining his veins with that sweet sweet delicious steroids. Cano was caught so hard doing steroids that he didn’t even consider appealing the suspension. Couldn’t even get together fake evidence to prove that he accidentally took a diet pill or took the wrong flue medicine or some shit. Nope, straight up sitting on needles every night for those 4 home runs.

But why is this expected of Robinson Cano?

I love the New York Yankees. I will go to war for the Bronx Bombers. But let’s remember that Cano was sitting in the heart of the lineup in the mid-2000’s surrounded by Jason Giambi and Alex Rodriguez. On every team plane, he walked past Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite to pick up his carry-on bag. Interesting.

What do you think Gary Sheffield and Robinson Cano talked about in 2005? Trick question: steroids. Robby Cano, Pudge Rodriguez and Melky Cabrera passing around HGH smoothies in the clubhouse back in ’08.

Also real quick, steroids don’t matter and everyone should take them because I want players hitting 5,454 by the all-star break but if David Ortiz makes the Hall of Fame and Cano gets rejected with Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa, I’m burning down Cooperstown.

This really makes you question who else is taking these diuretics to get the steroids out of their urine to pass drug tests. *cough* Albert Pujols *cough*. I’ve literally been refreshing my phone every day for the last 7 years waiting for the Pujols news to drop. This Cano suspension is the first step.

Albert Pujols took steroids. Stay woke.


Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Robinson Cano has probably been steroids for like, a decade. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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