Republican Candidates

Republican Candidates



Mitt Romney. 

Mitt is a great business man that understands the economy. With the countries economy in the condition it is in, Romney is the perfect fit. He’s willing to lay people off in his own company in order to break it up and sell all it assets. Who knows what he’ll do to struggling cities like Detroit. He could fire everyone and sell Detroit to China but that’s just unfair to China.

Newt Gingrich. 

Newt’s the type of man that knows what he wants and knows how to get it. He’ll stab people in the back and walk all over people just to get elected who knows what he’ll do in the White House. If you liked Richard Nixon and Water Gate than you’re gonna love Newt Gingrich and whatever crime he commits in office. Probably murder.

Rick Santorum.  

If you enjoy indecisiveness than Rick Santorum is the man. He looks like a combination of Bob Saget and Bob the Builder. He’ll say and pretend to believe in whatever it’ll take to get him elected. A solid third place finish is in his future.

Ron Paul. 

If you’re voting strictly for the most qualified candidate with the best policies then Ron Paul is the obvious choice. But since you’re voting for President, none of that matters. Ron Paul has the personality of a mute with narcolepsy. There always four years from now to try again, Ron.

Michelle Bachmann. 

Apparently any woman with a Fargo accent that happens to have an opinion can run for President. With Sarah Palin deciding not to run this year, Michelle Bachmann stepped up to carry the load. If you have to tell people you’re not crazy, you are crazy.

Herman Cain. 

It’s good to see a sexual predator get his opportunity to lead a country . He can really grab America by it’s genitals and then pay it not to speak out about it. I would vote for Herman Cain just to see how quickly he could be impeached for sex scandals. If the White House is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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