2020 Coronavirus 60-game shortened season was easily the worst year of my baseball life and I’ve still yet to recover from it. 60 games simply is not a large enough sample size to declare a champion let alone distribute awards to players.
Enter Trevor Bauer’s bitch ass.
Trevor Bauer is an attention-starved weirdo who is so clearly desperate to be the face of baseball he doesn’t recognize how lame he is. He harasses people on Twitter and he behaves like every single Trump supporter—just antagonistic and so thirsty to be a contrarian for no reason outside of internet engagement.
But you have to give credit where credit is due (No you don’t). Bauer had a great 2020 season. He had a 1.73 ERA, 12.3 K’s per 9 innings with 2 complete game shutouts.
Until you see that he only started 11 games in a season where teams had restricted travel as the league only scheduled games against teams in your region. For Bauer, that meant playing against the AL and NL Central.
One of those super impressive complete game shutouts was in a 7 inning doubleheader against the Detroit Tigers, a team that finished 23rd in runs scored and dead last in the AL Central.
His other complete game shutout was another 7 inning doubleheader against the Kansas City Royals, the team that finished 24th in runs right behind the shitty Tigers.
Trevor Bauer managed to pitch 7 scoreless innings against 2 of the worst teams in the sport. Those were 2 of his 11 starts.
Bauer absolutely crushed the Milwaukee Brewers. Had two separate 12 K outings against them. Wow. Oh, what’s that? The Brewers struck out 582 times which was the second-most in the league? So Bauer just happened to have 3 of his 11 starts against one of the worst hitting teams in the league? Yikes.
It’s almost as if 11 starts against the worst teams in baseball does not warrant a Cy Young award nor any of the off field attention he craves.
We’ll skip past his awkward free agency and his loser agent, Rachel Luba, becoming a social media star for representing Bauer and Yasiel Puig—two guys who should never be left alone with a woman.
Let’s also fast forward past Spring Training where Bauer decided to call out which pitches he was going to throw whilst having one eye closed for no reason. Also we’ll ignore that he got ROCKED every outing because duh.
No, let’s jump to this past weekend and watch Fernando Tatis Jr abuse him.
am I crazy or like… did Fernando Tatis Jr know what was coming?? Let me know! pic.twitter.com/14tsqzeG0X
— Fuzzy (@fuzzyfromyt) April 25, 2021
Fernando Tatis Jr. covered up one eye after he hit a home run off of Trevor Bauer! pic.twitter.com/tq1TmNy7dI
— Jomboy Media (@JomboyMedia) April 25, 2021
The Dodgers beat the Padres on Sunday 5-4 and that’s cool or whatever but Fernando Tatis Jr hit 2 bombs of Bauer and that’s all that matters.
Trevor Bauer is now calling out Tatis Jr for looking at the catcher’s hand and stealing signs. Very interesting that Bauer believes he is so talented that he can pitch with one eye closed and still record outs yet cannot get a fastball past a hitter whether the hitter knows it’s coming or not.
Also can’t help but mention that Major League Baseball is already investigating balls he’s used that may or may not be covered in illegal substances.
So let’s recap here. He won a fake Cy Young award pitching 11 times against the worst teams in baseball. He pitched well in those 11 games, no doubt. But most likely was greatly aided by whatever foreign substance that his hat and fingers are always caked in.
Oh, and now he’s eating Fernando Tatis Jr’s testicles.
Please return the 2020 Cy Young, you scammer. If you would like to sign the petition just tweet ’11 starts’ directly at Bauer all day long.