“Here’s how it works: After deciding that you would like to have sex with someone, launch the Good2Go app (free on iTunes and Google Play), hand the phone off to your potential partner, and allow him or her to navigate the process to determine if he or she is ready and willing. “Are We Good2Go?” the first screen asks, prompting the partner to answer “No, Thanks,” “Yes, but … we need to talk,” or “I’m Good2Go.” If the partner chooses door No. 1, a black screen pops up that reads “Remember! No means No! Only Yes means Yes, BUT can be changed to NO at anytime!” If he or she opts instead to have a conversation before deciding—imagine, verbally communicating with someone with whom you may imminently engage in sexual intercourse—the app pauses to allow both parties to discuss.
If the partner—let’s assume for the purposes of this blog post, partner is a she—indicates that she is “Good2Go,” she’s sent to a second screen that asks if she is “Sober,” “Mildly Intoxicated,” “Intoxicated but Good2Go,” or “Pretty Wasted.” If she chooses “Pretty Wasted,” the app informs her that she “cannot consent” and she’s instructed to return the phone back to its owner (and presumably, not have sex under any circumstances, young lady). All other choices lead to a third screen, which asks the partner if she is an existing Good2Go user or a new one. If she’s a new user, she’s prompted to enter her phone number and a password, confirm that she is 18 years old, and press submit. (Minors are out of luck—the app is only for consenting adults.) Then, she’ll fill out a fourth prompt, which asks her to input a six-digit code that’s just been texted to her own cellphone to verify her identity with that app. (Previous users can just type in their phone number—which serves as their Good2Go username—and password.) Once that level is complete, she returns the phone to its owner, who can view a message explaining the terms of the partner’s consent. (For example, the “Partner is intoxicated but is Good2Go.”) Then, the instigator presses a button marked “Ok,” which reminds him again that yes can be changed to “NO at anytime!”
I’ll just try to sum that up real quick. If you want to bang someone you have to hand them your phone and force them to fill out a survey which questions their sobriety and forces them to input their personal information before basically signing a creepy electronic contract that confirms that they give consent to sex. Soooooo….I’m never having sex again…
Not only are you asking me to have sex with a girl who’s sober which has never happened in the history of mankind but now you want me to ask them to fill out paperwork prior to the act. Most girls aren’t just throwing their vaginas around. They like to feel special or whatever the fuck. You know what DOES NOT make a girl feel special? Pulling out an Iphone after she undresses and saying “Hey, just making sure that we both know that this isn’t rape.”
Yes rape is a huge problem and girls need protection but you know what else needs protection? My sex life. I don’t need one more step for a girl to realize what a huge mistake she’s about to make before sleeping with me. What happened to the good old days when you could shake hands on it. The old honor system. The day that a girl hands me their phone to sign a sex contract is the day that I know that my sex life is officially over.
Sidenote: Seriously, who has sex sober? That’s not a real thing, right? What do you just like…look into each others eyes and shit?