— PlayGround (@PlayGrounder) May 23, 2017
Melania Trump ain’t playing with Donald Trump anymore pic.twitter.com/q2poBeG2JV
— DeMarko Gage 🙂 (@DeMarko_Gage) May 23, 2017
Melania Trump is in the news these past few days for absolutely stuffing her husband in a locker in the most public of stages. This weekend, the royal family went to Saudi Arabia for whatever reason and Melania swatted the shit out of Donald’s hands on a red carpet in a clear public humiliation move.
Then when they returned to the states, Donald once again reached for her hand only to have her ‘toooo slowww’ him as she moved her hand and ran it through her hair as if she was Donald’s older brother about to give him a noogie and a wet willy.
There are two possibilities.
The first being that she’s actually a ride or die bitch that is trying to hold down her man behind the scenes in ways we can’t even fathom. If I know Saudi Arabia like I think I know Saudi Arabia, then you can’t be out here holding chick’s hands in public. That’s how women get beheaded.
Perhaps Melania knew that they were on a huge stage, which is why she was standing so far behind him, and didn’t want to disrespect the locals. When in Rome and blah blah. Perhaps Melania is a PR genius. She saves the Trumps from Middle Eastern shame and she comes back to the states as some faux feminist icon. Genius.3
OR, as someone who has only been in failing relationships, I know that hand slap well. That move comes after you’re a dick to you’re girlfriend in the car but then when you walk out in public to meet up with friends you try to pretend like you weren’t just fighting so you reach for her hand but she’s not done fighting with you yet so she slaps your hand away.4
Donald probably just like, left the toilet seat up on the private jet or Melania probably caught him DMing some Instagram model and they were in the middle of a fight. Melania is from Slovenia, she’s not taking that American bullshit. You have to live inside of a wolf you kill with your bare hands to survive the harsh winters over there.
Stay tuned to see how Melania chooses to murder Donald.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Melania Trump has finally be sentient. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.