How soon is too soon to start sleeping with your friend’s wife after an unofficial break up? Asking for my friend, Derek Fisher who got his face punched by his former teammate Matt Barnes. I always considered “Bros before hoes” to be more a suggestion than a rule and Derek Fisher agrees. It’s just more awkward in his case because he’s a head coach in the NBA and the man who tried to punch him to death is still an active player in the league he coaches in. Mega awkward.
I guess we should start at the beginning. I shall take you through the timeline. Where did this battle begin? Who is Gloria Glovan and why are men driving 100 miles to punch people for her?
Gloria Glovan said in an interview that she met Matt Barnes when she was in 8th grade. My calculations determine that she was an eigth grader in 1999. 13 years old presumably. Well here’s the thing. Matt Barnes was 19 in 1999. HOW was a 19-year old borderline man in contact with this middle school girl? Hmm all this does is lead to more questions.
Matt Barnes returned home when he signed with the Golden State Warriors and that’s when the relationship between Barnes and Glovan really started. Unfortunately for Barnes, the 2006 season is when he befriended his soon to be arch nemesis, Derek Fisher. I assume this is also the same time Gloria Glova.n and Derek Fisher met. Aw, love at first sight.
Matt Barnes was arrested for domestic violence charges. I’ll admit, that’s not the best look. You can’t be beating around your middle schooler girlfriend. Not a good look. This might have been the biggest mistake that Matt Barnes ever made but he happened to be playing in Los Angeles with his bestest buddy, Derek Fisher. No doubt in my mind Fisher was trying to take Barnes’ side and make him feel better about the situation while he was looking down on his phone and sexting Glovan. I mean, that’s just classic Derek Fisher.
And here’s Gloria Glovan’s biggest mistake. In 2012 she and Barnes were wed in Santa Clara. Yikes. Can’t go around marrying a guy who both hits on you when you’re 13 and literally hits you. Again, not a good look.
Gametime. Barnes and Glovan seprate and it’s time for Big Daddy Fish to swoop in and pick up the pieces. I don’t actually know how long after the break up it took for Fisher to start sending her those clutch “Good morning” texts but I’m sure he didn’t waste any time. Fast forward to the present day and the Memphis Grizzlies and the New York Knicks are set to play on January 16th this season in what frankly is the most important game of the NBA season. The Gloria Glovan bowl is must-see tv and I cannot wait for the first time a player beats up a coach since Latrell Sprewell chokeslammed PJ Carlisimo. See you all on January 16th.