Lana Del Rey, Shut The Fuck Up

Lana Del Rey makes boring ass to listen to when you’re on hold waiting for your doctor to tell you your coronavirus test results. Her music is what a casting director hears when Keira Knightley auditions for a role. Her music sounds like it plays during ‘Haunted Mansion’ levels of video games.

Lana Del Rey makes music for girls who have ‘I was born in the wrong era’ written in their bios and base their personalities off the tattoos that they randomly picked off the parlor wall. She makes music for assholes who go out of their ways to find those old glass bottles of coca cola.

I’ve never liked her lame ass music or strange rotting fake pig nose but after years of thinking she was trash, she finally opened up to reveal that she is in fact a trash human. Homegirl went on Instagram to complain about some of her music reviews and decided to throw some black women under the bus in the process.

“Question for the culture. Now that Doja Cat, Ariana [Grande], Camila [Cabello], Cardi B, Kehlani and Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé have had number ones with songs about being sexy, wearing no clothes, fucking, cheating etc – can I please go back to singing about being embodied, feeling beautiful by being in love even if the relationship is not perfect, or dancing for money – or whatever I want -without being crucified or saying that I’m glamorizing abuse??????”

Even just starting this bullshit with ‘question for the culture’ just rubs me the wrong way. If Lana is upset about her reviews that may challenge for song topics then I get it and I understand her looking up at the charts and seeing the No. 1 records and feeling as though she’s not up there because her brand isn’t as openly sexual.


But what’s weird about her rant is that her reviews are almost entirely positive. I think she makes terrible music and any time I mention that to people, I get booed out of the room. Prior to this post, I didn’t know anyone that wasn’t a fan.

It sounds like she read one unflattering line about ‘glamorizing abusive relationships’ and figured it was a good time to unload the clip on why she hates other women’s music.

I know Lana Del Rey believes it’s the 1950’s but in what reality does she think her music is more heavily scrutinized than the music of black women in general let alone black women talking about sex. People HATE Cardi B for rapping about stripping. Do you know how much pearl clutching happened when Bodak Yellow was on the radio? No one batted an eye about Lana’s lyrics. Ever.

“Let this be clear. I’m not not a feminist – but there has to be a place in feminism for women who look and act like me – the kind of woman who says no but men hear yes- the kind of women who are slated mercilessly for being their authentic, delicate selves, The kind of women who get their own stories and voices taken away from them by stronger women or by men who hate women.”

Really, Lana? Who in the FUCK is taking your voice away? Seriously, I’ve never seen anyone question anything she’s ever done or said or worn or anything. I’ve literally never seen this woman being critiqued in any way.

Do you want to know why Nicki Minaj and Beyonce are No. 1? No, it’s not because of their provocative lyrics. It’s because they actually make great music with normal BPM’s that don’t put narcoleptics in danger like Lana’s music does.

Lana can hardly sing well and she’s out here like ‘you guys all hate because I’m my authentic self’. Yea well, your self SUCKS. And it’s boring and it’s irrelevant. Lana Del Rey is a hipster indie act that no one should be performing at Pitchfork festival right after Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros clear the stage yet somehow she is one of the most popular and beloved artists pointing at Doja Cat like ‘SORRY YOU ALL HATE ME BECAUSE MY TITS AREN’T OUT LIKE DOJA CAT’ when absolutely no one on Earth was comparing these two women except for her.

Read the room. And shut the fuck up.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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