in ,

Japanese Olympic Kayaker Admits To Sprinkling Steroids Into His Oponents Drinks

Japanese kayaker Yasuhiro Suzuki was expected to represent his country at the 2020 Olympics, but he will no longer be doing that after admitting to dosing one of his rivals, Seiji Komatsu, with anabolic steroids.

Komatsu tested positive for a banned substance at the national championships in September, but vehemently denied that he took any drugs. Komatsu’s denial led to an investigation by the Japan Canoe Federation, which led to Suzuki admitting that he spiked Komatsu’s drink. Suzuki was trying to prevent Komatsu from being selected ahead of him to compete at the Olympics, and this apparently is not the first time he’s tried to sabotage a countryman. From Japan Times:

In its investigation into the incident, the canoe federation found that Suzuki had made repeated attempts to sabotage other competitors, not only Komatsu, by such means as stealing equipment used in training and competition. It has recommended Suzuki’s expulsion from the federation.



First of all, shout out to the Japan Canoe Federation, or the JCF for the real ones, for getting to the bottom of this massive problem facing the beloved sport of kayaking. We all grew up obsessed with all things kayaking. I have a package of Topps Kayaking cards. Collectibles. But now the sport is tainted with performance-enhancing drugs.

Yasuhiro Suzuki is an innovator in the cheating game. Sure, you can take the steroids yourself but then how are you going to beat the piss test? No no, Suzuki is smarter than that. He’s going to make his opponents better athletes and play the waiting game. Sure, Suzuki probably got his ass beat because everyone around him was juiced out of their minds without even knowing it but he knew their day of reckoning was approaching. Patience is a virtue.

With everyone giving Tonya Harding a round of applause at the Golden Globes like she wasn’t responsible for exploding Nancy Kerrigan’s knee into a bajillion pieces, I cannot wait until ‘I, Yasuhiro’ hits theatres next year and we can all praise him because he overcame his tough background or whatever.

Kayak deserves better than this nonsense. It’s a shame that the class has left this sport. What are the children going to look up to now? WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN.



Thanks for reading. Leave a comment if you think Yasuhiro Suzuki is a genius. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

Leave a Reply

nathan peterman

Nathan Peterman Threw 52 Passes This Season…6 Of Those Were Interceptions

gerrit cole

It’s Insane That Gerrit Cole Isn’t a New York Yankee Right Now