jacoby ellsbury

Jacoby Ellsbury is So Washed Up and Useless That He Manged To Injure His Hip While Rehabbing His Oblique

BOOOOO, this man.

Everyone and their mothers were crying for the return of Ellsbury after Aaron Hicks and Billy McKinney went out with brief tiny injuries that left the outfield thin. All of a sudden fans wanted Ellsbury back as if we didn’t watch him have ZERO hits in 12 plate appearances in the playoffs last season.

Nope, turns out Ellsbury is a bum who hurt his hip while trying to come back from an oblique injury thus proving how unathletic and useless he truly is. But can you blame this man? Jacoby is out here making $21 million regardless of whether or not he ever steps on the field and he’s probably going to get a World Series title this year without ever needing to iron his jersey.

Here’s what Aaron Boone said today about the injury:

“Ellsbury is dealing with a little bit of a hip thing, so he’s been shut down for a couple days,”

I love that Aaron Boone feels the same way about Ellsbury that I do. Any opportunity to ‘shut him down’ he’s taking.

At the end of the day, the Yankees don’t need Ellsbury. Run Brett Gardner, Giancarlo Stanton and Aaron Judge out there until Aaron Hicks gets back. No team needs Jacoby Ellsbury. I bet Ellsbury’s family is even wishing he was in the Yankees clubhouse and not around the house throwing cash at everything and just being an overall weirdo.

Ellsbury is useless. Plz stay on the DL forever.





Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you hope Jacoby’s hip falls off his body. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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