Guy Releases Sex Tape Of His Ex Girlfriend, Girl Cuts Off His Dick: Whose Side Are You On?

26 year old, Brenda Barattini, is in a bit of hot water because she cut off her ex-boyfriend’s dick with garden sheers out of revenge after he showed his pals the sex tape they made together. Seems like a bit of an overreaction but I can only imagine the gears turning in her head when she looked at the garden sheers sitting on her lawn as she was walking into the house to go confront him.

Here’s what Brenda Barattini said from her jail cell in Argentina about the whole ordeal:

“I cut his penis but not completely: I injured him. It wasn’t complete: I injured him,” she said, according to a translation of her jailhouse interview.

“They didn’t find the video, I don’t know what happened.

“I left to ask for help. I did not want anything to happen to him, besides I was afraid of the blood.”

Okay so, not a great look when police couldn’t find the video that he apparently just showed a few of his friends. He didn’t post it on Facebook or Instagram. He showed some buddies which is mega weird because I do not want to watch any of my friends have sex but perhaps my toxic masculinity is showing.

Also, I don’t really trust the Argentina police to really go out of their way in this ‘investigation’ to find this alleged sex tape. I assume they were too busy counting all of their money that they receive from dirty bribes.

But I don’t want to sit here and pretend like this guy is innocent. I live my life and make every decision in hopes of avoiding getting my dick cut off. That is my one goal when I leave the house. ‘Okay Lester, don’t get your dick cut off. Let’s do this’. And I’ve been fairly lucky but that’s also because I’m not A.) recording sex tapes. B.) showing the squad my stroke.

I totally understand why Brenda would react that way. Have you ever seen yourself have sex? I never have and I never will. I don’t want to see the faces I make and how strange my balls look. If that ever leaked, I’m going on a dick cutting spree.

My only qualm with my girl snipping dicks is that she didn’t fully cut it off. She made a little cut in it and then ran out because she saw too much blood. You can’t be out here mutilating genitals like an African warlord. You have to cut that dick clean off so that doctors can reattach it. Don’t be scarring and bruising dicks like a psychopath. Have a heart.

So whose side are you on here?

Trick question: the exboyfriend is never correct. It’s automatically the cute innocent looking girl who was bloodthirsty. Free Brenda.

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Brenda Barattini should be allowed to cut off all the dicks she wants. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.