Eminem has aged like milk.
Who could’ve predicted that a bleach blonde white kid rapping about beating up his mom and raping women wouldn’t be able to last generations? So strange.
But here we are with our annual acapella freestyle waterboarding where Eminem stands in an empty warehouse wearing a gray hoodie and a train conductor hat preaching to us about how bad Donald Trump or about his penis or whatever.
This man is nearly 50-years old and he’s rapping to us like it’s 2002. Eminem makes music for kids who grew up listening to his music but had their maturation stunted because they drank too much Baja Blast Mountain Dew and watched too many Ava Devine videos in standard definition.
This freestyle was TEN MINUTES LONG. Who was this ever for? Get these ‘bars’ OUT of here. No one asked for this. People who love these videos are the same people who hate ‘mumble’ rap because
A.) they are closed minded and don’t appreciate the artistry of creating moods and vibes with sounds instead of rapping about going out to vote and
B.) they aren’t actually rap fans or else they would know that there are legions of new and old rappers who can really spit but aren’t sponsored by Monster Energy Drinks.
This freestyle was the Jim Crow of rap. I feel like I had to sit on the back of the bus after listening to this trash. I can no longer look white women in the eyes or else I’ll get beat up in the streets. Get Eminem ouuuut of here.
sidenote: I’m mostly pissed that just clicking on that video is going to screw up my Youtube video recommendations for the next 6 months. Marshall, you monster.