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Earl Thomas Was Having a Casual Orgy With His Brother Until His Wife Interrupted And Held Him At Gunpoint

Earl Thomas is one of the best characters in the NFL. There is no doubting his level of talent and his accomplishments. He’s a Super Bowl champion. He’s a three-time First Team All-Pro safety. 7-time Pro Bowler. He has 713 career tackles and 50 interceptions. One of the greatest safeties in NFL history.

He’s also one of my favorite players to make fun of because he has dumb for brains.

Two years ago, Earl Thomas held out of Seattle’s minicamp and demanded a new contract. But Earl Thomas was 29-years old and the Seahawks were clearly resetting their salary cap. His fellow Super Bowl teammates, Richard Sherman and Kam Chancellor, were long gone.

He demanded a trade and was left on read. Seahawks straight up didn’t give a single shit. Thomas had zero leverage in that situation and held out. Dumb for brains.

Then Earl Thomas returned right before Week 1 that season as to avoid any further fines after his contract demands were completely ignored. After sitting out the offseason in an attempt to be fresh to enter the offseason ready to get a new contract, my man broke his leg in Week 4.

Myyyyyy man.

But he would rebound from getting teabagged by the Seahawks by signing with the Baltimore Ravens. They had the best team in the NFL and Lamar Jackson won an MVP. It was a dream season.

Then the playoffs arrived where Baltimore would face off against Derrick Henry and the Tennesee Titans. Henry had a 182-yard rushing yard in a Wildcard upset of the New England Patriots. Thomas saw that dominant performance and said: “Those guys didn’t seem too interested in tackling him. I think our mindset is a little different.”

Then this happened:

Derrick Henry for 195 yards and stiff armed Earl Thomas into the Earth’s crust. Dumb for brains.

All of that was leading up to another genius decision by Earl as he and his brother planned an orgy in the middle of a Coronavirus quarantine. His wife, Nina Thomas, felt a type of way about Earl’s behavior and the rest is history:

Nina claims Earl, 30, left their home earlier in the day after an argument over the NFL player’s drinking. She claims Earl’s brother, Seth Thomas, picked him up.

But, a short time later, she decided to check on his whereabouts by logging into his Snapchat account — and that’s when she says she found video of Earl with another woman.

Nina says she used Earl’s Snapchat account to track his location to a nearby Airbnb rental home … and says she called up two other women to help her confront Earl at the pad. Nina also claims she grabbed Earl’s pistol, a 9mm Berreta, in the process with the intention to “scare him.”

Motherfucker got drunk, rented an Airbnb down the road and invited hoes over before his wife kicked in the door waving the .44 with two of her friends like Charlie’s Angels.

I have no idea why a 31-year old adult man would use snapchat and I certainly don’t know why he would turn his Snapchat location on as if he’s not married and it wouldn’t be weird if he wasn’t home at night surrounded by girl bitmojis but I think we’ve already established the cause of this whole situation: dumb for brains.

Earl Thomas is one of the dumbest players in the NFL and I hope he continues to never open up a book. You already know we’re like, two days away from seeing headlines about Thomas testing positive for COVID-19 after his drunk sex party in a fucking stranger’s house. Dumb. For. Brains.

 

 

 


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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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