Derrick Rose is a Straight Up Rapist

Sooo Derrick Rose for sure raped this woman. I mean, that’s just facts. He and his boys ran a wonderfully illegal train and now D-Rose is using the weirdest, most disgusting defenses to prove his innocence.

Before I talk about what happened in the first day of the trial, I want to briefly say that there is a small possibility that this woman is attempting to take advantage of a rich athlete. Just read what went down today and decide:


A woman who says Derrick Rose and two friends gang-raped her wept quietly in court as her lawyer provided jurors with lurid descriptions but the NBA star’s defense fired back by portraying the encounter as something from a porn film, not a horror movie.

She was the victim of a “classic gang rape” by a man — Rose — who has never shown remorse and told New York Knicks President Phil Jackson that he’d lost no sleep over the matter, attorney Waukeen McCoy said.

 Rose, 28, didn’t appear for the start of trial — he was in Houston a day earlier for the Knicks’ preseason opener — but he was expected in court Thursday.

“The plaintiff will tell you all three men were in the bedroom at the same time,” McCoy said. “Each of them took turns raping her, they don’t even know who went first.”


In sharp contrast to McCoy’s statement, defense lawyers doubled down on their assertions that the accuser willingly had sex with the trio at Rose’s mansion in Beverly Hills.

They said the woman gave lap dances earlier under a sky full of stars by the side of Rose’s pool overlooking city lights, performed oral sex on Rose and had sex with his two friends before inviting them back to her apartment.

“There was no gang rape,” attorney Mike Monico said. “There was no rape at all.”

After sex, Rose took his condom, put it back in the wrapper and took it with him “like he was never there,” McCoy said.

NBA players are instructed to flush their condoms down the toilet or take them so women can’t use the sperm to impregnate themselves, Rose’s lawyer said.


There’s a lotttt of he said/she said going on here. One side is calling it ‘classic gang rape’. You know, good old school gang rape just like back in when your parents were coming up. That authentic shit. The defense team is saying that this chick happened to text D-Rose out of the blue to say that he makes her horny. Interesting move going for the ‘thirst’ defense.

Sooo Derrick Rose just grabbed his used condom and put it in his pocket? Hm. Did he always wear gloves and dust up all possible fingerprints before he and his squad left that chick dicked out. Nothing sketchy about that at all.

Was it a porn film or a horror film? We may never know. Except you know for a fact it was a rape soo I guess it depends on what type of porn you like.


Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Derrick Rose is a straight up rapist. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here.



Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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