We’re at the half way point of 2017 and there are two things that are very true: 1. I watch television way more than I should and 2. I need content for Deadseriousness so here we have the mid-year TV awards.
It’s only a matter of time until I get a vote for the Emmy awards so I’ll let this article serve as a preview for what to come when I take over those ceremonies. There are a bajillion good shows on TV right now and I can’t write about them all but I’m pretty damn close to watching them all.[1. This Is Us basically never happened as far as I’m concerned.] If you haven’t had the opportunity to watch everything yet, allow this to be your guide through 2017 so far.
Here are the Deadseriousness Mid-Year 2017 TV Awards:
Best Show That I Didn’t Watch But I Hear Is Really Great: Handmaid’s Tale
I know Handmaid’s Tale is a great show. People refuse to let me live my life without watching it. I also don’t have a Hulu account because why would I? This show reallyyy points out all of the weirdos who have Hulu accounts for no reason.
I also know that Peggy Olson is probably one of the best TV characters of all time and if she’s moved on from Madison Avenue, I’m going with her. You know, as soon as someone let’s me borrow their Hulu account for a weekend.
Best Comedy That Made Me Laugh Zero Times: Master of None
Master of None is a good show. It sounds like an insult when I see it’s the best comedy made me laugh zero times but it’s just not a laugh out loud show. I will say I love when Aziz goes on the Raven Symone daytime TV moments before the story broke of Chef Jeff being a sexual predator.
Shout out to that Italian actress who was way too hot for Aziz but it’s his show so he wins. Also, you know you’re watching a good show when Angela Bassett shows up to out act everyone for no reason at all. Angela Bassett has one speed: Oscar.
Best Show on TV (That Had an AWFUL Season): The Americans
The Americans reaaallyyy let me down this year. I was that asshole who kept preaching to people that The Americans was a ‘must-watch’ only to have to force myself to sit through the 4th season. There is one season left for these Russian spies and clearly the writers were saving the best for last but maybe make ONE exciting episode.
The most intense moment of the season came in the premiere where they dug a hole for literally 10 minutes straight with no commercial break. Just people digging a hole. There better be some aggressive Russian spying in their final season or I’m going to scream. Somebody shoot somebody.
Best 9/11 Joke: Veep
I don’t have much to say here. I just wanted to take this opportunity to give a round of applause to Jonah Ryan, the funniest character on TV, and episode 8 of Veep this season where he threatened to not rape the president and had my favorite joke of the year “IT’S 9/11 BITCHES. WE FLYING TWO PLANES INTO THE CLUB.”
Best Unnecessarily Brutal Death Scene: 13 Reasons Why
Do you like to see (multiple) rape scenes followed by a long extended scene of a girl cutting her wrists in a bath tub where the girl who slits her wrists then blames 13 of her peers for her own actions thus ruining their lives with her own selfish actions? Then you’re going to LOVE 13 Reasons Why.
Best Show That Would Be The Worst Show If It Weren’t a Prequel: Better Call Saul
Maybe ‘worst’ show is an exaggeration but I do think Better Call Saul gets way more love than it deserves. We’re all patiently waiting for Slippin Jimmy to change into Saul Goodman but if Breaking Bad didn’t exist and we weren’t aware of what this world would evolve into, would we really care at all about this lawyer who helps old ladies and his brother who is allergic to electricity? This show would be cancelled by now.
Best Title of a Show That Made White People Uncomfortable: Dear White People
So many hot takes like “What if this show was called Dear Black People”. You can rename most shows on TV Dear Black People and nothing would change. Imagine the title of Friends was actually Dear Black People. It would be the same exact show.
Best Coming Out of the Closet Moment: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Mac finally came out as gay this season in the most perfect way possible. In order to gain possession of a winning lotto ticket, Mac has to admit that he’s gay only to end up spending all of the earnings on the arbitrator who awarded him the ticket in the first place. Perfect episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Best Show About Superheroes That Has Nothing To Do With Superheroes: Legion
When this show was first announced I was expecting some lame low budget X-Men mutant bullshit about a character that I’ve never heard of and nonstop indirect references to Wolverine and blah blah but nope. Legion was it’s on standalone series that tackled real issues like mental health problems and the treatment of psychiatric patients.
I could’ve made a completely separate award for Aubrey Plaza in this show. The ‘holy shit wait, is she the villain? Wow, yes she is the villain oh my god…award’.
The ‘Oh Yea, Nicole Kidman Can Fucking Act’ Award: Nicole Kidman
Totallyyy forgot that Nicole Kidman had an Academy Award. Thank you, HBO for bringing movie stars to limited TV series to remind the world that they’re the best of the best. Matthew McConaughey rose from the ashes in True Detective.
You couldn’t take your eyes off Nicole Kidman in those scenes with the marriage counselor. Watching her slowly try to escape her abusive relationship while still getting beat up every episode was wild. Also, how about those Nicole Kidman nipples, huh? Good times.
The Carrie Coon Is The Best Actress on Television Award: Carrie Coon
In a shocking turn of events, Carrie Coon walks away with the ‘Carrie Coon Is The Best Actress on Television Award’. No one projected this upset. Carrie Coon has officially planted her flag as the best actor on TV by starring in two shows and murdering both roles.
The Leftovers was only 28 episodes long and I think it should go down as one of the best television shows of all time and a lot of that has to do with the show focusing on Carrie Coon’s character, Nora Durst, in the final season.
The Leftovers is a show all about people dealing with loss of loved ones and grief and Nora Durst was the backbone of the show having lost more than anyone else and refusing to allow others to occupy her level of pain.
It was the perfect final season with the perfect actress. Give Carrie Coon every award.