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Dead Serious Mailbag: Asking Girls To Dance

Why does asking a girl to dance always end in more rejection than just going up to her and dancing? I never understood this. Especially after all the #MeToo stuff going on. Its more respectful to ask a girl if she is willing to dance, yet that rarely works for me compared to just waiting around and going for it aka the “creep” method. If they don’t want to do it then they will just leave. The 2nd way shows more “assertiveness” and works more often but is totally contradictory to what women “want”. I don’t want to be a creep.



Dead. Serious. Mailbag. BACK. I may or may not have lost my password to the mailbag and put off changing the password til right now but you know what, here I am 2 months later with a mailbox full of hilariously single people and I will help every last one of you or die trying.

As always, send all questions, concerns and comments straight to

BUT as you all know, I’m not alone here in the mailbag. Katie the queen. Katie the goddess. There is no one who I’d rather hear talk about creepy guys dancing than my dear friend Katie. So as always I have to ask, what are your initial thoughts on why asking to dance is an automatic no and just running up behind a girl results in slightly less no’s?



Okay, so I have to start this off with an apology. My dancer man–I am truly sorry, because you’ve caught me at a bad time™ and I am going to start yelling.

A personal bias: I hate when anyone uses the entire #MeToo movement as a passive addendum to express frustration. Are you frustrated that so many people are being complainy complainers in voicing their sexual assaults? Why do I have to explain the magnitude of this to anyone? It’s frustrating.

When anyone complains about not being able to do something or being hindered or this that or the other thing in regards to the MeToo movement, I think of my good friend who was brutally raped in Manhattan. I think of two of my friends who were assaulted by the same man in college. I think of the guy who drugged my drink in grad school, groped me repeatedly, and then texted me a few days later essentially saying that I “misread” the entire situation.

Look, you’re probably not a bad dude..I’m hoping you’re not. But do me a solid. Keep your hands to yourself. Keep asking for consent. Let me repeat, earnestly: Please keep asking for consent. Whether it’s for a dance, a date, or sex–consent is key. That might not be what you want to hear, but I’m tired. Be a man who asks for consent. It is obviously the right thing to do–and if you’re reading this disagreeing with me, I ask that you genuinely ask yourself if you’re part of the problem.

Ask for consent. Always.


Love the aggression, Katie. It’s pretty dope how you typed that up by pointing the lasers shooting out of your eyes at the keyboard. I too, get rubbed the wrong way when someone attempts to describe #MeToo as anything other than a positive in society.

Having said that, you’ve emailed the right man. As someone who has found themselves drunk in many locations with dance floors, I know exactly what you’re talking about here.

Here’s the thing: Never walk up to a girl on the dance floor who is already dancing carefree without your presence and tell her that you want to dance. Unless you step out of a time machine directly into a 1950’s sockhop and want to ask a lovely bopper if she wants to twist, do not ask her to dance, you weirdo.

The dance floor is the jungle. It’s all wild animals out there. If a girl is dancing and you two make eye contact and she doesn’t look away in fear of you, you’d be a maniac to walk up to her and ask ‘hey, would you mind if I rubbed my genitals on your back for the length of 1-2 songs?’

It’s like jumping into double dutch. You really have to feel the situation. Read the room. Sometimes a Sean Paul song comes on and everything perfectly aligns where you and your bae for the night are grinding to Gimme The Light and you didn’t have to make her sign a contract that says it’s okay to dance with her.

But most of the time, let’s say 99% of the time, homegirl just wants to dance with her friends and I know for a fact that there is no girl out there on planet Earth that’s two-stepping to Passionfruit by Drake hoping a guy who emailed ME about whether or not he should be randomly walking up to girls, just sneaks up behind her and gets his sweaty Lacoste polo and Rolling Rock breath all over her spine.

Just like, stay home man. I don’t trust you.





Thanks for reading. Hit up if you have any questions you need to be answered by the brilliant Katie Tamola. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

Katie Tamola

Written by Katie Tamola

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