Everyone is talking about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, as they should, so naturally, my immediate reaction to all of the Marvel love is wanting to talk about DC instead. I’m not a fun person to be around. I recognize that.
After seeing Infinity War, it’s clear that the Avengers couldn’t beat Thanos. Perhaps the Justice League would fair better against Titan’s finest. This may be the first and last time I ever write something positive about these DC movies. I’m afraid of what I might say.
So the DC movies thus far are Man of Steel, Batman V. Superman, Suicide Squad, Wonder Woman and Justice League. I just rolled my eyes re-reading that sentence. This is what I have to work with. That movie where Margot Robbie beats an unstoppable witch with a baseball bat.
What a shitty movie that was.
Anyway, let’s say this scenario runs as close to as it does in Infinity War where the Guardians of the Galaxy and team Iron Man fight Thanos on Titan. But before I go forward I want to quickly point out a huge flaw in this article as well as the DC Universe in general.
I have no idea what Aquaman and Cyborg or even capable of. Aquaman is strong? He swims decently well, I suppose. But I’m not 1000% sure what it is he provides for the Justice League. Let’s go ahead and assume that Thanos throws a moon and Aquaman and he’s out of here for the remainder of the movie.
Cyborg was essentially just a walking GPS and cell phone for the team to communicate. I know we don’t really see Thanos kill anyone except Loki but let’s go ahead and assume that the first person that Thanos murders is Cyborg. That’s fine.
So now it’s Wonder Woman, Flash and Superman vs. Thanos. Where’s Batman? He’s mega dead. Because he’s Ben Affleck with a rocket launcher. Sure, Tony Stark is essentially a normal man but he also has a suit full of literal plot armor that can mold and change on the fly to protect him from various specific and random harm.
Batman tried to kill Superman with a tiny piece of Kryptonite on the end of a sharp stick like a neanderthal. I could beat this version of Batman in a fight and I don’t need a montage of my doing crossfit in my garage to do it.
Flash’s weakness seems to be his own two feet. Every time he ran in Justice League he tripped over nothing to the point where his superpower is less that he’s fast and more that he falls, quickly. Can’t imagine him having a major impact fighting against the baddest motherfucker in the galaxy.
Wonder Woman and Superman vs. Thanos. Here’s something that’s true: Thor pretty much beat Thanos but he was about 10 seconds too late. Thanos has an all-powerful Nintendo Glove and refuses to ever use it. Having said that, he was facing a boy with spider powers and his daughter’s boyfriend. The stakes seem a little higher against Wonder Woman and Superman.
So could the Justice League beat Thanos?
Absolute not. Doomsday was a big gray blob and in order to beat him, Superman had to sacrifice himself. Superman looks mega depressed in every scene he’s in. In Justice League, he was PISSED to be resurrected. Superman should be on suicide watch right now. No doubt in my mind he would look for any and all ways to take his own life.
So now it’s Wonder Woman vs. Thanos and after watching Wonder Woman again last week, I have Wonder Woman every single fight she’s in for the remainder of time. Wonder Woman is basically DC’s Thor and again, Thor beat Thanos in Infinity War. Simple math.
No, the Justice League could not beat Thanos. It would a bloodbath. But Wonder Woman on her own can do anything. She can do no wrong.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think the Justice League can beat Thanos. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.