Britney Spears Discovered Fire

Britney Spears—star of 2002 hit film Crossroads—posts workout videos on her Instagram, apparently. If you want the body of a bulimic mother of three then Spears has an IGTV channel for you to subscribe to.

Britney Spears seems like the type of mom that says things like ‘you can have ice cream, but only after you finish your desert’ or ‘I let them drink in the house that way their under my roof and I know they’re safe’.

But this isn’t about her parenting. This is about her home gym which she hasn’t been in for six months because whoops, she burned it down.

“Hi guys, I’m in my gym right now. I haven’t been in here for like six months because I burnt my gym down, unfortunately. I had two candles, and yeah, one thing led to another, and I burned it down,” 

First, every video that Britney Spears posts looks like the person holding the camera is pointing a gun at her or she’s being held hostage in someone’s basement and we have to translate her blinks into a morse code call for help.

I mean, there’s literally a #FreeBritney campaign centered around the fact that people believe she’s being held hostage and forced to do things against her own will.

So perhaps burning down her home gym was part of her rebellion. Her chance to take back her own agency. Light a couple of candles and then ‘oh no, I am surrounded by flames’. That’s what ‘one thing led to another’ means, right?

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Britney took control of her life back with fire six months ago and now all of a sudden she’s a proud socialist.


View this post on Instagram


Communion goes beyond walls 🌹🌹🌹

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

Nothing but respect for my comrade. Re-distribute wealth? Strike?? Perhaps that fire was Britney burning down the capitalist systems of control that commodifies women’s bodies and she is rising from the ashes with a new understanding that we are all slaves to the almighty dollar and that the ‘resistance’ is just as greedy and misguided as MAGA.

Or maybe she just watched one youtube video and changed her entire politics because she didn’t really believe in anything to begin with and she just accidentally lit her gym on fire because she’s an old child that doesn’t know that fire is bad yet. Shrug.






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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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