Couple Gets Arrested After Beating the Shit Out of Each Other With Pizza Rolls

A North Carolina couple faces charges after allegedly assaulting each other with pizza rolls, according to WJZY.

Brad Scott Beard, 24, and Samantha Brooke Canipe, 21, were each charged on Monday with one count of misdemeanor simple assault.

The suspects allegedly got into a fight at their Gastonia apartment and started throwing pizza rolls at each other. A motive in the incident remains uncertain.

Beard faces 60 days in jail and Canipe faces 30 days in jail, according to WJZY.


We’ve alllll been here before. The 4th of July is just one of those holidays that gets the adrenaline pumping. Red, white and blue everywhere. Stars and stripes in your face. Fireworks overhead. Indepence Day is a true test for any relationship.

Throw pizza rolls into the mix and it’s shocking that this kind of brutality doesn’t occur more frequently. Part of me thinks this happens nationwide, it just never gets reported. Until now. I’d rather be hit with a belt than with scorching hot pizza rolls fresh out of an oven. Just a barbaric brawl between these two young lovers.

It’s going to be super awkward when Samantha Brook Capine¬†returns home after her 30-day jail sentence and has to clean up those pizza rolls.


Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think these two love birds will work it out. Also, go ahead and give Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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