Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez Are Going To Save The New York Mets

It is being reported that Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez, aka mom and dad, are raising money with JPMorgan to put in a real life legit bid to pry New York Mets ownership away from the brothers Wilpon.

In December, the Wilpons agreed to sell 80% of the team to hedge fund asshole, Steve Cohen, for around $2 billion. The deal also allowed the Wilpons to continue controlling the baseball operations for another five years which is hilarious. Here, I’m going to sell you my car but I get to drive it for the next half decade while you pay to maintain it for me, thanks.

I’m selling you my house today. You can move in on January 1st, 2025. Here is my routing number. I expect the $2 billion by the end of the business day.

Naturally, Steve Cohen wanted to make some changes to that bullshit and both parties walked away from the deal.

And now Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez are throwing their names into the ownership hat and most likely at a discount because, ya know, the world is ending and Major League Baseball might not even exist anymore.

As it currently stands, A-Rod and J-Lo have a combined net worth of $700 million. Their union is quite literally a Game of Thrones combining of wealthy houses to consolidate power and take over New York.

Everyone is praising the Brothers Cuomo for Chris catching Coronavirus and Andrew reacting to it months too late and using executive powers to cut health care in the midst of a pandemic. While those two are getting all the love that they absolutely do not deserve, Alex Rodrguez and Jennifer Lopez are preparing an army to run this city.

Really hope this works out for A-Rod, a man who has spent his a majority of his career as the best shortstop in baseball and still getting less affection and love than Derek Jeter only to be traded onto Derek Jeter’s team and have to change positions even though he was astronomically better defensively than Jeter.

Now Derek Jeter owns the Marlins and he’s in the news for giving up his entire salary so that Marlins employees can still earn paychecks. Alex Rodriguez is probably going to lead the Mets to a World Series sooner than the Marlins ever get there and Jeter will still get all the praise for paving the way for former players to own teams.

Continue holding Jeter’s dick for the rest of your life, Alex.

Also, we don’t talk about this enough but remember when A-Rod and Jennifer ran someone over? Totally unrelated but yea, that was super under the radar.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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