A decision was made: Cleveland Browns head coach Todd Monken announced Monday afternoon, Deshaun Watson will start Week 1—telling the world they are not interested in winning football games this season and will try again next time. Coming off a putrid preseason underperformance, 5-for-12 with 36 yards and an INT to a DT—handing out Xbox […]
Following a disappointing preseason performance, the returning Deshaun Watson shared how hurt he was to hear the local Cleveland Browns fans boo him. Here’s what Watson told ESPN reporters post-game: “I think the whole world knows it has nothing to do about the performance,” Watson said. “It’s a little bit [more] personal than that. So […]
A week after declaring for the 2027 WNBA Draft in a public protest against our universal desire for him to shut the fuck up, Enes Kanter, on his quest to protect women, stopped in Chicago Sunday night—ejected from the Sky/Fever game after trying to fight Natasha Cloud on the baseline. Enes Kanter, looking at the […]
Seattle saving their best pitcher for the final lap, is calling up top prospect Kade Anderson from Double-A. The Athletic recently ranked Kade Anderson as the No. 1 prospect in baseball. Kade is the best pitcher in the minors. In 18 starts, Anderson owns a 1.06 ERA with a 41% strikeout rate. He has the […]
Participating in a running drill on his road to recovery from a right calf strain that’s kept him away from the Yankees since April, the start of the season—Giancarlo Stanton fell, suffering a “moderate calf strain” to his left leg now. Only 24 games under his belt before the 36-year-old hurt his leg and now […]
FBI combing through his bank records, Mark Walter—who purchased the Los Angeles Lakers a year ago for a record $10 billion—now selling the Lakers for $12 billion to the United States Government. The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Manhattan and the Securities and Exchange Commission are now examining how around $16 billion in loans extended to […]
The Denver Nuggets are adding a 2014 All-Star from the 2009 NBA Draft—37-year-old shooting guard DeMar DeRozan to a 1-year, $3.9M contract. After sending their breakout wing Peyton Watson to Cleveland for a first-round draft pick one day, eventually, Denver found his replacement, the star of a 22-win Kings team that waived him in July […]
Arizona Diamondbacks second baseman Ketel Marte landed on the restricted list after flying with the team for their series against the Boston Red Sox but never arriving at Fenway Park for the game. Set for the DH position, a late, last-second scratch for the newly acquired Lars Nootbar—who kinda sucks, batting .162 with a 63 […]
The Denver Nuggets, an aging squad—old men at the club still trying to take home women—trading the only young, talented, athletic wing on their roster to the Cleveland Cavaliers for a first-round pick in the 2030s, next decade. Nuggets Receive: Cleveland 2031 1st round pick Sacramento 2032 2nd round picl Cavaliers Receive: Peyton […]
This is a special peek of the Deadseriousness newsletter Let’s Get This Dread, in which I, Lester Lee, send exclusive funny, not boring Algorithm slop. Sign up here to get it in your inbox. 10 years fighting the Trojan War, away from my wife, just me and the soldiers. Months, sweating, crafting a 30-foot wooden […]
With the New York Giants only a few weeks from their season-opener against the Dallas Cowboys, they decided to sign the running back who will lead the team in rushing. Former Steelers and Chargers running back will sign a 1-year deal to join a crowded running back room full of his future backups. The New […]
Hiring lawyers to investigate their richest owner and partner of the league, the NBA has determined they don’t know what you’re talking about, everything’s all good, what investigation? you’re being weird, bro, Kawhi? I don’t know her. No further questions. The NBA has found no evidence showing LA Clippers owner Steve Ballmer funneled money through […]
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is pointing a gun at fans, warning them their sport—like everything else in this country—is about to get worse, re-establishing his desire to add international expansion teams. “At some point, there will be NFL teams outside the USA. I have no doubt that this will happen one day,” A new record-setting […]
Dodgers star right fielder Kyle Tucker has opted to defer the use of his talents for a later date. The biggest hitter on the free agency market—sports media rooms built around predicting his landing spot, the news cycle in the palm of hands—elects to join the back-to-back World Series champion, signing a 4-year $240m deal […]
It sucks when the bad thing that’s obviously going to happen, happens. When the rain clouds fill skies to inevitably drop water on our scalps. When you drink too much and wake up the next morning feeling exactly as hungover as you expected. New Orleans Saints rookie wide receiver limped into the 2026 draft with […]
The Minnesota Vikings house two quarterbacks. One, a former No. 1 pick who flicks a ball 90 yards down the field with ease, tiny and hurt, sure, but the arm flex mighty. The other, literally the worst quarterback of 2026. Shockingly, it appears Minnesota will be selecting the former as their QB1. JJ McCarthy led […]
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