The NBA regular season and playoffs? That’s their time. The offseason? That’s our time, with Ben Simmons, down here.
Workout videos, open gym highlights, looking like 07 LeBron with it. The news reports describing him as the healthiest boy of all time—scientists testing his blood, what mutant gene allows him to dominate the courts.
After not making a roster last season, the Ben Simmons propaganda still pours in, and one franchise, of course, in Ben’s DMs.
According to Carmichael Dave, Sacramento Kings GM Scott Perry traveled to Florida on Tuesday to watch Ben Simmons work out.
Luckless, stuck with another season of Zach LaVine, again, paying DeMar DeRozan to go away—why not see if Ben Simmons could be a productive ball player? He’s only 30, a year off the hardwood, joints and tendons rested.
[RELATED: Nuggets Sign All-Star Drafted 8 Months Into Barack Obama’s First Term]
Simmons averages like 8 boards a night, mighty healthy, maybe Sacramento flips him for a Powerball ticket at the deadline.
What’s most likely is the Kings sign Gabe Vincent, another player Sacramento’s considering. Kings also working out Victor Oladipo—another shrug, why not.
The Kings are also looking at Elfrid Payton and Cam Payne. GM Scott Perry remixing one of his viral Manhattan pop-ups, came and went in a year. Dot cake shopping, behind the food truck at the end of the night, when they’re about to close up and need to sell some stock quick, on the low low. Don’t tell your mom about this, kid.
I hope Ben Simmons comes back to the league. Love watching the guy drive to the rim and duck like a war vet hearing a loud car engine whiz by. Sometimes he plays like he’s trying to outmaneuver the sniper atop the building lasering in on him—only Ben and the sniper know this is occurring.
Godspeed Benjamin. I just KNOW you blew that work out. Buster.
If you enjoyed what you read, head over to our Substack. We’ve got more content making fun of the ridiculous world we live in, sent directly to your email inbox daily.
Follow us over on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at [email protected]. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
