A week after declaring for the 2027 WNBA Draft in a public protest against our universal desire for him to shut the fuck up, Enes Kanter, on his quest to protect women, stopped in Chicago Sunday night—ejected from the Sky/Fever game after trying to fight Natasha Cloud on the baseline.
Enes Kanter, looking at the right side of history far, far from the other side, but, at the height of another recession—parachuting into a culture war to hit a lick before Christmas, getting rubes to the polls this Election Day to continue voting against their best interests—shocked the public executions of migrants aren’t lowering their energy bills.
The former NBA big man, forced into retirement at age 29—Coach’s DNP: Mid—posts threats of lawsuits if not selected by the WNBA. Enes is 34 now, 5 years removed from the league, and his campaign implies an old, washed-up NBA player, light-years past his prime, should automatically be drafted above girls coming out of college because men are so superior to women in sports—again, all this to protect women somehow. They’ve convinced themselves a wave of men calling themselves women have swarmed the country, taking spots away from women—and their solution is to also take spots away from women.
George Bush’s No Child Left Behind did irreparable damage.
Enes Kanter going through a loud mid life crisis we all have to deal with pic.twitter.com/6OVkkhp14Z
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) August 24, 2026
The Amazon broadcast halted to show Enes—wearing a shirt with the definition of woman on it—going at it with Chicago Sky star Natasha Cloud, followed by her whole Chicago squad. Escorted from the premises trying to recreate the Malace at the Palace—him personally clobbering women, in his mind, heroically protecting them from something other than the Turkish weirdo clotheslining them.
I want to rescue dogs, which is why I go to dog parks and kick them. For their safety.
Riley Gaines makes a light 6 figures running to Fox News every few months to spook bigots. I hope Enes invests these blood-soaked direct deposits into something more meaningful than harassing ladies at their job like a trenchcoat flasher.
[RELATED: Riley Gaines, Foreign Twitter Bots and The MLM Loser Economy]I’m no better than Enes. I exist in a digital sports media world—I mean I personally live a bajillion galaxies away from anyone in sports media with health care, but we all share an algorithm—where I am the millionth loser sharing my obvious opinion to the applause of those who already agree. For a crumb of views. On a Monday morning. I should be in medical school or at war. Instead, I’m lower on the pyramid scheme than Enes fucking Kanter.
You won’t make me talk about this dork again. This doesn’t matter. Don’t let Enes hold any more of your attention.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go protect these eggs by cracking them into a pan. Why don’t these woke eggs understand I’m trying to help them??
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