The NBA play-in tournament, a punchline for NBA podcasters who feed themselves from the league they are addicted to complaining about. ME? Love the play-in. Win or go home. You score more points than the other team, 82 games of sacrifice rewarded. You lose, you failed, the checks cleared but you did all the running […]
My eyes burn, yawns plentiful. My night ended at 1am, as the Houston Rockets pulled ahead of the Phoenix Suns, winning 119-105, in a game I can only describe as *personal*. Kevin Durant returning to Mortgage Matchup Center, one of the worst-named buildings in the country, a country full of buildings named after slavemasters and […]
I’ve watched every Yankees game this season and have yet to write a single post-game recap. Time to beat the washed allegations. Tuesday night, New York hosted the Sacramento Athletics for their first series against one of the worst clubs in the Majors. Yankees won 5-3, advancing to 8-2, boosting their AL East lead while […]
For years, NFL reporter Diana Russini’s been the foremost expert on all Mike Vrabel news, including a scoop from “anonymous sources”, revealing Vrabel was “too big and intimidating” for employees working in NFL front offices. Turns out, Peter Parker isn’t just randomly running into Spider-Man mid-city-saving. Diana Russini and Mike Vrabel are close. Dianna Russini’s […]
One cannot build an impactful, effective political movement without a bold leader. The Republican Party, desperate to maintain its existence in a post-Obama world, fearing their quest to turn poor people into indentured servants dying in sweatshop accidents and coal mine collapses slipping from their grasp, passed the baton to Donald Trump to revive their […]
2 years ago to this day, Tennessee hired Kim Caldwell as the new Lady Vols basketball coach. 2 years later, zero players on the roster, transferring to other programs, top recruits decommitting. Tennessee women’s basketball on fire—Kim Caldwell, alone in an empty gym, smiling after dropping the lit cigarette onto the gasoline she doused the […]
At 24-years old, Los Angeles Rams star wide receiver Puka Nacua deemed unable to control his impulse to bite women and proclaim his hate for Jewish people—shipped off to rehab—his friends, family, employer and lawyer all hoping they can cure his illness. Why is Puka Nacua in rehab? Puka’s Google calendar stuffed with attorney zoom […]
You don’t work, you don’t eat. Simple as that. Jonathan Majors, the greatest who never was. Marvel built a kingdom Majors lit on fire the night his girlfriend saw him texting another girl, he beat her unconscious and then called the police on himself. Too villainous for Kang The Conqueror, I reckon. Kang destroys realities, […]
NFL free agency is over. I’ve declared it so. (Also this has been sitting in my drafts for two weeks for no reason, my bad) Only Pittsburgh waits for its QB to emerge from the rain forest, shaking off a brutal payote hangover. Before we start looking at this month’s draft, let’s review all the […]
They Broke CB Bucknor. The new ABS challenge system—instant drama infused in the midst of an at-bat, any moment, a double tapped cap, a big dramatic reveal on the humbltron—did the ump get it right? MLB’s thrown a spontaneous game show into each broadcast—batters soon required to shout “NO WHAMMYS” as they await the final […]
In 2023, South Dakota governor Kristi Noem opened a hotline, allowing snitches to call in whenever they catch a whiff of drag shows near South Dakota colleges—along with an open letter, writing: “On campuses across the country, students have been taught the importance of diversity and equity and given access to ‘safe spaces’ instead of […]
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