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My eyes burn, yawns plentiful.

My night ended at 1am, as the Houston Rockets pulled ahead of the Phoenix Suns, winning 119-105, in a game I can only describe as *personal*.

Kevin Durant returning to Mortgage Matchup Center, one of the worst-named buildings in the country, a country full of buildings named after slavemasters and pedophiles, to battle a team he claims kicked him off the team and threw him under the bus.

Devin Booker wound tighter than Mike Vrabel’s hands around Dianna Russini’s throat as she shouts AJ Brown’s name aloud, Kevin Durant, in his leaked virgins only Twitter private group chat, called Devin Booker and last year’s head coach Frank Vogel “dictators.” Durant called Devin Booker Stalin.

Kevin Durant is almost 40, making Hitler jokes, but his point is evident.

Devin Booker, the guy who threw a temper tantrum, pissed he got double-teamed in a pickup, not a fun hang.

But in Durant’s place, Dillon Brooks, who plays on edge, forcing his teammates to match his freak. Together Booker and Brooks, the name of local ambulance chasing attorneys, billboards plastered all over town, and a duo who’s erased all the Durant and Bradley Beal funk from the locker room.

Phoenix dialed 555-5555 early, calling on Booker and Brooks to take over.

After going up 5-2 early, Houston stepped on a bear trap, surroundering a 24-0 run to Phoenix, Suns up 26-5 halfway through the first.

Rockets exploded at the launch, Suns determined to prove they won the breakup.

Dillon Brooks on his best behavior, one technical foul away from a 1-game suspension, but remained the focal point of the first period.

But Brooks did not arrive in Phoenix alone.

Jalen Green vs. Amen Thompson

Dillon Brooks helped raise the Rockets floor, a crucial component to their first playoff appearance since James Harden’s Brooklyn blue period.

His teammate, Jalen Green, drafted no. 2 overall by the Rockets, led the Rockets in scoring last season—rewarded with a plane ticket to Phoenix.

Jalen Green let his frustrations out on Amen Thompson early.

I get the feeling Ime Udoka had these two running Oklahoma drills at midcourt last season.

You don’t concuss him, you don’t eat.

Amen won.

Jalen realized Houston chose Amen Thompson over him.

That shit stings.

Jalen Green’s window to be an NBA starting point guard, closing—oft-injured, each time returning with a further deteriorated jumper—but a good playoff showcase will give him at least one last chance next season to solidify the job. 

This is the type of energy he needs to bring to each game going forward.

Sure, he took 14 shots to score 15, 0-for-4 from 3. But he exploded to the net, easily, despite his inconsistent handle, bursting from hardwood to rim in an eye blink.

(Sucks that Reed Sheppard is better though, like, the Rockets picked the correct players to keep.)

Phoenix should be in the hunt for a big man

Mark Williams with an impressive first quarter, grabbing offensive rebounds, diving for loose balls, blocking shots—disappeared the rest of the night.

He got all his work done at the start of his shift—spent the rest of the night, phone turned sideways, playing games on his phone.

Unlocking mad new characters.

The Rockets finished with a 55-34 rebounding edge, 24 offensive.

Phoenix played great defense but without ever actually ending possessions with defensive rebounds, they allowed Houston to score in the chaos.

You cannot win in the West without a big.

Rudy Gobert.

Nikola Jokic.

Victor Wembayama.

Chet Holmgren and Isaiah Hartenstein.

Alperen Sengun (sometimes)

With Mark Williams in the final year of his deal, Phoenix needs to hit the plug for a re-up.

So here are 4 guys I think the Suns should court this offseason:

1. Walker Kessler: With Jaren Jackson in tow and Kessler needing a new contract, Phoenix may be able to add a top 10 rim protector who will only be 25 years old next season.

If Utah wanted to trade Walker Kessler, they would have already, a better offer most likely lingering elsewhere, the Lakers desperate for anyone taller than 6-foot-10, not named DeAndre Ayton.

2. Nikola Vucevic: One of the cheaper options available, Nikola Vucevic hits free agency, averaging 15 points a game, 18.5 points in Chicago before his trade to Boston. He won’t protect the rim, never has but he’s a solid vet who knows where to be to get buckets and he’s just a big dude, man. 

3. Mitchell Robinson: Big Mitch should be a lifelong Knick, his contributions to my individual happiness and well-being will always be remembered. Who knows where I’d be today if Mitchell Robinson didn’t singlehandedly demolish the Cleveland Cavaliers in that 2023 first round series? 

On a positive for Mitchell Robinson, the country music-loving, pickup truck-driving hick would love living in Erika Kirk country. Finally, surrounded by his people.

4. Myles Turner: The Milwaukee Bucks are cooked. The coach is loud-quieting, Giannis making demands to a front office no longer answering his calls. Damian Lillard receiving direct deposits in perpetuity.

Everyone on the Bucks should be on the trade block this summer. Knowing how the Phoenix Suns moved in recent years, there’s a greater chance they acquire Kyle Kuzma than Myles Turner.

They don’t wanna be saved, don’t save them.

 

 

 


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Lester Lee

Creator of Deadseriousness.com, The Last Sports Blog.

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