NFL Week 2 Power Rankings: Lamar Jackson's Rent is Due and The Giants are Undefeated

Two weeks into the NFL season and we can pretty much determine where things are going at this point. The best players are being the best players and the players that have question marks surrounding them every year continue to provide no answers to those questions.

Here are the NFL Week 2 Power Rankings:

1. Patrick Mahomes (Last Week: 1)

In two weeks, Patrick Mahomes has 7 touchdowns, no interceptions and an almost perfect passer rating demolishing the Arizona Cardinals and Los Angeles Chargers fairly easily. Everyone loves putting Josh Allen and Justin Herbert in the same convo with this man but he is playing a different sport than everyone else.

2. Lamar Jackson (Last Week: 5)

I’m hyping Mahomes every week, and deservedly so, but before we get to Allen and Herbert, we have to talk about Lamar Jackson singlehandedly carrying the Baltimore Ravens to relevancy. A team with a brand new rookie-filled secondary that let Tua carve them up in the 4th quarter shouldn’t take away from every Lamar did in that game.

Pay Lamar Jackson every fucking dollar pic.twitter.com/UGtrve7KSZ

— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) September 18, 2022

We are witnessing one of the greatest contract years ever. Well, maybe the 2nd greatest ever. Aaron Judge is about to hit 70 home runs and steal half a billion from the Yankees.

3. Minkah Fitzpatrick (Last Week: 2)

There is no reason why the Mitch Trubisky-led Pittsburgh Steelers should be competing in the AFC North but here we are two weeks in and they are tied with Baltimore for 1st place and make take the whole thing solely based on the contributions of Minkah Fitzpatrick who has scored one fewer touchdown than Trubisky.

4. Brian Daboll (Last Week: 3)

THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS ARE 2-0 BAYBEEEEEEE. I don’t want to hear about the Titans and the Panthers being bad teams. Who cares? Aren’t good teams supposed to beat bad teams? Why do the Giants get punished for beating the teams on their schedule? Every previous Giants coach would’ve had an 0-2 ball club half-assing it at this point.

5. Tua Tagovailoa (Last Week: unranked)

Okay look, Tua has had some average-ass football games thus far in his NFL career. I don’t think anyone predicted he would explode for 469 yards and 6 touchdowns while completing 72% of his passes. That shit wasn’t in the scouting report, man.

But it’s important to point out that I’d rather he looked like this every week. As much as I enjoy dunking on people when they stink, the NFL is better when there are more dynamic players. Having said that, he 10000% will never have a game this good ever again.

6. Cooper Rush (Last Week: unranked)

Yo, it’s OVER for Dak Prescott. He was lucky to have Cowboys fans accept a brown man as their franchise QB and he’s about to lose it all to his red-headed backup who just beat the defending AFC champs. He outplayed Joe Burrow who many (me) said would be the MVP this season. Cowboys fans are going to be treating Dak like the help when he returns from injury. It’s tough he did all that bootlicking and made out with all those cops for no reason.

7. Josh Allen (Last Week: 7)

Josh Allen and the Bills just ran the Titans out of the gym with a 41-7 curb-stomping on Monday Night Football. In front of the Manning Brothers. Allen had 317 yards with 4 touchdowns. It was a bloodbath. One of those one-sided games that typically end with coaches getting fired and guys losing their starting jobs and we saw a bit of that with Ryan Tannehill getting benched for rookie, Malik Willis.

We need to have a conversation about Malik Willis and his time at Liberty but that’s a conversation for another day.

8. Khalil Mack (Last Week: 6)

I apologize to Khalil Mack for dropping him two spots despite his continued domination of the NFL but yea, he didn’t throw 6 touchdown passes so I had no choice. Mack leads the NFL in sacks and I’m going to assume that LA sunshine is going to continue giving him powers like Superman.

9. Stefon Diggs

STEFON DIGGS IS HIMpic.twitter.com/bfASCDjtki

— PFF Fantasy Football (@PFF_Fantasy) September 20, 2022

We cannot give Josh Allen all of the credit for this crazy Bills offense. Stefon Diggs deserves far more credit than he ever seems to receive. He could have a wide receiver triple crown when the season ends. Through two games he’s 2nd in receptions, 2nd in yards and has the most touchdowns.

10. PFF (Last Week: unrated)

This is entirely self-serving but you’re on Deadseriousness. You should expect some Giants bias to seep into every single thing you read here. I have no idea how Pro Football Focus does its grading system. Totally understand why people might hate them but they also say Andrew Thomas is the best tackle in football so I am a lifelong fan and ally. Keep up the good work over there, boys.

The highest-graded offensive lineman in Week 2 so far:

Andrew Thomas 💪 pic.twitter.com/WHiTJrVkWH

— PFF (@PFF) September 19, 2022

11. Carson Wentz truthers (Last week: unrated)

Asked Scott Turner about the Lions running the same trick play he planned to run — and did minutes later.

“I mean, I was like, ‘you gotta be kidding me,’ but it doesn’t deter you from running it. Like, they still got to cover. They did a nice job.”pic.twitter.com/nzOfAqdrHH

— Ben Standig (@BenStandig) September 22, 2022

Last week, Carson Wentz fans made these power rankings. Wentz threw 4 TDs and the Commanders won somehow. This week, uh, well, the Carson Wentz truthers got their revenge.

I’m convinced Carson Wentz just drops back and completely forgets how to play football pic.twitter.com/AKFuyXZ6jx

— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) September 18, 2022

The Detroit Lions are better than everyone expected but we can’t ignore the fact that they were the worst team in the NFL last season and Washington was supposed to compete in the NFC East. Last week Carson threw an interception to a pass rusher and fumbled out of the endzone for a safety this week. Next week he’s going to slip on a banana peel before a piano drops on his head and his teeth become piano keys.

12. Porn stars (Last week: unrated)

Trey Lance has thrown 102 professional NFL passes and no one knows if he’s good enough to get the opportunity to throw his 103rd pass. Doesn’t matter though because Jimmy Garoppolo is waiting on the bench to come in and lead the 49ers to the playoffs when there are zero expectations for him—the Jimmy G special.

When he first arrived to San Fran, Jimmy was seen hanging with porn star Kiara Mia. Who knows what porn stars he’s been spending time with since but now that he’s the starting QB again, I assume his inbox is stuffed.

13. Saving receipts

After losing 7-24 to the Baltimore Ravens, jets head coach Robert Saleh cut a WWF style promo claiming to be saving all receipts of people mocking his team and he’s making everyone regret it. I immediately roasted him because it was so transparently faux-tough guy bullshit which grown NFL players would see through and resent him for insulting their intelligence.

I was wrong as fuck.

The New York Jets had a 13-point comeback against the Cleveland Browns within the last 2 minutes of the game led by Marlboro Joe Flacco. I will no longer be providing any receipts for Saleh.

14. Mike Evans

Mike Evans and Marshon Lattimore have gone at it three sperate times over the years.

Evans was suspended one game for what happened in 2017 — so another suspension would not be a surprise.

Here’s a video of all three fights.pic.twitter.com/dRiCVN5WhE

— Ari Meirov (@MySportsUpdate) September 19, 2022

For whatever reason, Mike Evans sees Marshon Lattimore and it’s like a bull seeing the color red. He claims he was protecting Tom Brady which would be understandable except Evans chokeslams Lattimore every single season.

15. Myles Garrett (Last Week: 9)

He was on the list last week so why not? Let’s keep him on. I lose steam at the end of these long-ass articles. Myles is still having a good season. Okay. *shrug* Thanks for reading.